This post is going to be so incorrigible, blunt and raw but it is going to be here all the same.
Its been 6 days since I thought of writing. Six, that is how long it has been since I came back from NYC. Yes, yes, I went back, for the second time, in less than 2 weeks. Come on, dint I tell you I was romanticizing the trip too much. I thought it would gradually decline but it somehow did not. So, I decided to get some official work done, that which I had been postponing for close to 9 months now. I had to travel and as it was semi-official, I ended up staying with my friend. Yes, the very same. In essence, I made my sentiments go all topsy-turvy and the decline became an exponential increase. Anyways, there I was.. in New York City.. again!
In the past few days, I knew I wanted to write but the what-about has been deforming, rather I have been. If I had to recount my experience, it would be just like last time. Loads of fun, lots of happiness. You know this, from-the-bottom-of-the-heart thing. That is what it was. Add to this some excitement and anxiety due to the impending hurricane and lot of misery for having to leave 2 days earlier than expected, that was my trip.
Now that you know how much I love being there, I decided not to rub it in all over again. There I was and paradise it was, period. What got me thinking was, why I am not the same otherwise. I know there is this factor, that I have to totally attribute to my Prof, my grad school Director who decided we would fit best together and the program. She did an amazingly great job. We are so much in sync, were while we were in school, still are and I'm pretty sure that is not something that would change in the long run. Probably that is all it is, put in together a bunch of like minded people in every sense and they are happy whenever wherever.
But what I also did realize was that I am a different person, in their presence. Not like this weird different or hypocritical different. It is more like, shook the perspectives and ideas that I have held closely for a very long time and brought about a change in the attitude thing. Just to give the mildest of it, I'm not someone who is very happy around people who are consuming alcohol; see I don't say drunk, because my friend drove it to me that in-taking and being drunk are two different things and it pisses one off when you loosely use the term and me instead of arguing and saying whatever be it it is not fine, I accepted it and stopped using the term. Anyways, that is not the point. So, I used to be horrible in that environment, whereas now I am good with people drinking, I am good with going out with people for the very purpose, I am good with staying till 3 in the morning doing it, I am even good with getting back with them and crashing in. Darn it, I actually am great. That is just not it, alcohol, smoke, music, politics, relationships and way too much more. If I start listing out all that I am ready to recognize now, anybody who had known me would be sure that I'm possessed.
Why am I so different around them? Why am I so comfortable with it? Why am I so accommodating? Why do I earn for it so much? Why do I romanticize? Why am I ready to redefine? Why am I ready to alter my whole value system? Why am I ready to be so not me!! Well.. the only realization that dawned on me... at the end of the day... it is all about the people.
Its been 6 days since I thought of writing. Six, that is how long it has been since I came back from NYC. Yes, yes, I went back, for the second time, in less than 2 weeks. Come on, dint I tell you I was romanticizing the trip too much. I thought it would gradually decline but it somehow did not. So, I decided to get some official work done, that which I had been postponing for close to 9 months now. I had to travel and as it was semi-official, I ended up staying with my friend. Yes, the very same. In essence, I made my sentiments go all topsy-turvy and the decline became an exponential increase. Anyways, there I was.. in New York City.. again!
In the past few days, I knew I wanted to write but the what-about has been deforming, rather I have been. If I had to recount my experience, it would be just like last time. Loads of fun, lots of happiness. You know this, from-the-bottom-of-the-heart thing. That is what it was. Add to this some excitement and anxiety due to the impending hurricane and lot of misery for having to leave 2 days earlier than expected, that was my trip.
Now that you know how much I love being there, I decided not to rub it in all over again. There I was and paradise it was, period. What got me thinking was, why I am not the same otherwise. I know there is this factor, that I have to totally attribute to my Prof, my grad school Director who decided we would fit best together and the program. She did an amazingly great job. We are so much in sync, were while we were in school, still are and I'm pretty sure that is not something that would change in the long run. Probably that is all it is, put in together a bunch of like minded people in every sense and they are happy whenever wherever.
But what I also did realize was that I am a different person, in their presence. Not like this weird different or hypocritical different. It is more like, shook the perspectives and ideas that I have held closely for a very long time and brought about a change in the attitude thing. Just to give the mildest of it, I'm not someone who is very happy around people who are consuming alcohol; see I don't say drunk, because my friend drove it to me that in-taking and being drunk are two different things and it pisses one off when you loosely use the term and me instead of arguing and saying whatever be it it is not fine, I accepted it and stopped using the term. Anyways, that is not the point. So, I used to be horrible in that environment, whereas now I am good with people drinking, I am good with going out with people for the very purpose, I am good with staying till 3 in the morning doing it, I am even good with getting back with them and crashing in. Darn it, I actually am great. That is just not it, alcohol, smoke, music, politics, relationships and way too much more. If I start listing out all that I am ready to recognize now, anybody who had known me would be sure that I'm possessed.
Why am I so different around them? Why am I so comfortable with it? Why am I so accommodating? Why do I earn for it so much? Why do I romanticize? Why am I ready to redefine? Why am I ready to alter my whole value system? Why am I ready to be so not me!! Well.. the only realization that dawned on me... at the end of the day... it is all about the people.
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