F09

F09!!! Thats what we are called.. Its more than a month away and God knows how bad this is going to get in the mean time. I am so damn scared, very very apprehensive and too worried about how this is going to work out. I don't know if I can cope with all the new subjects, the pressure, the new place and what not!! I don't know what is expected of me. I don't know how I'm going to manage it all. And.. So many times it makes me wonder if I fit in at all. The awesome university and a great field at that, the kind of people who get in.. All that leaves me wondering.. Why am I even there. But somewhere down I realize, or atleast I'm told to realize, that I won't be where I am going to be if I was not really worth it. I must be. There must be something that does make me a part of the league. But what is it.. I'm yet to find.

So many times, getting to think about it, I feel.. may be, it would have been better to have taken up the job. Almost always when I get to discuss jobs with friends, it always leave me feeling bad. It still hurts. When everyone is working, here I am.. going to Grad School.. It does not make it any better saying it out. Well.. It is bad to be thinking about it too. The kind of life people have, because they are earning, leaves you feeling low beyond limits. Not having got to study like crazy everyday, no worrying about tests, assignments and gpa. It is so good. There is this best part, you get to earn!! You can spend it the way you want. Go to a movie, hang out with friends, or atleast get to buy a book for 100 bucks without having to think "OMG 100!!" Even if not that, you don't really have to keep tabs of every penny you spend, you don't have to live on 2 meals a day, you don't have to worry if eating one proper meal out will leave you out of your cash for cereals that week, you don't plan a month before on living in noodles and bread, you don't have to cut down on your travel expenses so that it might help you with a laptop, you don't have to plan on buying laptops which might cost a 50 bucks less, you don't have to worry for 6 months if your house and utilities would cost 20 bucks more than you thought it would, you don't have to worry if talking over the phone to your parents will get you broke.. Oh my God.. I really don't want to do this. For any one who earns, everything seems so trivial. But here I am, yet to point out trivial stuff that might bother me. If you just can't remotely imagine what the trivial stuff might be, then I'm sure you must be having a job.Damn!! Makes me regret why I dint take up the job. Damn!! I should have. I must have been crazy!! Really Really Crazy!!!!

Hmmm.. Well.. Hope I survive!!!!

What keeps me ticking..

Hols again!! And.. I don't know what to do at home. Its been quite sometime since I was at home and that too this jobless. Even last hols was better as I had a lot of apping work to do. But now.. Okay.. Not that I don't have anything to do. Those of you who managed to decipher my last post completely will know that I have opted for some university and more appropriately some field that is not what me as a prodie might have obviously pursued. But as it stands, I have decided to go for it and all that that comes with it. The very different course work, work schedules, slogging and the whole lot of risk involved. Not to mention is the fact is that I would be out of home. Fine.. I am not cribbing again. Getting back to it.. I have decided to do this and I really need to work on it. Actually I have to work loads and loads and loads and some more.

Being the nice girl that I am, I even bothered to get some books to study from. Well.. That was a long time ago. Its been a good 20 days since I got off with my project final review and since then I should have studied. I should have. But somehow it so happens that I don't even know the names of the books that I got, leave alone whats inside them. Not that I never made the effort to. Okay fine.. I can see you smiling.. You!! Actually, I did think so many times that I need to study. I even got one book out. To actually know how it goes like.. This evening I was so hell bent on studying. I was all this " its been so long and I have not studied at all. Today is the 1st of the month, I am starting today!!" So I did take my book out. It was sometime around 5:30, but my granny had other plans. She wanted me do some errands and when I got off with it, it was 6. "Okay, 6.. nice time to start, I am going to study till 8!!" I started. Time went by.. Not so fast anyway. 6:23.. I know it was 6.23.. I saw my mobile. I just could not concentrate, thought would check if my results are out. It would after all be some 5min job. So switched on the comp and when I got off it was 7:30!!! So.. I again started "I should study.. I should concentrate.. I need to." I thought I would.. after talking to my best friend. So.. there went the next 10min. Then I did study. Atleast I thought so.. Till my grand mother woke me up at 8:02 to ask me if I would like to have dinner and then sleep!!! Damn!!!! So.. here I am.. online.. blogging.. No.. actually.. I am trying to get myself awake so that I can study.. :)

Getting to think about it.. I realize having too much of time in hand and not much of work to do, gets me to a really lazy and horrible state. To be more honest, I really need a lot of deadlines. I still remember one of my friends saying he does not want his life to be full of deadlines, which would ruin his peace of mind. But I now realize, I need my life to be the exact opposite. If not for that, I am sure I just can't take life. I still remember the time around last hols when I was so very occupied. When I had 10 things to do and time for just 5. But.. believe me.. I did all the 10 and successfully at that. I can keep working all day long and more, but give me a whole day and just little work that too to be completed a month later, I am sure to flunk. Very hectic days, with work keeping one hooked up atleast 27 hours a day, with no time to get off, squeezing in every possible minute to something or the other, with deadlines to be long gone the next day, and me trying to do everything the best. Thats exactly what I want and that keeps me ticking..

Apping.. and all that..

Now that we are done with GRE and TOEFL, here comes this long process of apping. What exactly did I do after TOEFL.. Hmmm.. For one, I started preparing for CAT. Thanks to my best friend, I was forced to do it. But, believe me, its one of the best things that you could be doing. Being in 7th semester, with those tests done and moreover given the fact that when you app you do with your 6 semester grades you are just bound to give up absolutely but CAT keeps you going. If not anything else, it helps you spend your time without getting bored to death. So, I took it up and trust me its so much fun.

Okay, getting back to apping.. This is going be this phase where you are always running around the campus if not cities depending on your recos. I was a bit too lazy. When I started thinking about my sop, almost everyone in my class had applied for a minimum of 2 universities not to mention one who was done with 11!!!!!!! I really had to rush through them for my initial universities. What with apping deadlines, CAT and sem exams happening at almost the same time and me not ready with my sop even. But I did do a lot of editing after my exams for the rest of my universities. So, yeah.. your sop and recos go almost at the same time.

So.. its sop. Quite contrary to everyone else around me, I believe sop is some place where you are honest with what you want and actually tell them that. It was told to my best friend that sop is heights of hypocrisy. You write what you think the university wants to hear from you. You are absolutely interested in research. What research you have done in IIT and IISc has changed your life forever and you believe you can not live without it and unanimously everyone wants to be a professor, scientist and what not!! You go on and on and on about research that you did, that you are doing, that you want to do and some more. They say its a sure way to admits. I don't want to comment on that. But let me tell you what I did. I just wrote exactly what I desire. As you might know or have read in the previous post, I have had only one research project in IIT M and that's in a field so unrelated to what I am going to app for. CFD and Industrial Engineering. So, I can very well say my research expertise in the field in next to naught. Oops! I forgot. I was going to do my final year project in a related field. Well, that was to start in 8th semester and I was done with apping even before college reopened. Okay, so what did I do with my sop. I just wrote what I have done which is not anyway great according to so many.. no .. according to everyone else. But that's what I had done. So, I can not do anything to change it now. Believe me, nowhere did I mention I am interested in research and nothing related to being a Prof. After all, that's not what I wanted. I still remember one of my friends saying this after reading my sop, " If you want me to be honest, I have read quite a few sop so far and I am sorry to tell you that yours is below average. You have given history people don't want to hear. You should have projected your IIT M project to be the best thing that happened in your life. Where is anything about research??!!!!! ". That was not an isolated incident. There were many who said, if this was my sop I sure am not going to make even to a university on the higher side of top 20. Well.. Here again, thanks to my best friend, who stood by me. We decided we were going to be absolutely honest with what we want and that if I am going to give the univ what people think univ wants, in the next 2 years my conscience would kill me as I can never be sure if I was picked in because I was actually good. Its better to get rejects than live with that feeling forever. So, with that moral support, I went on. Till the end, my sop only said what I have done and what I want, true to my heart.

Along with the sop, you simultaneously get done with your recos too. At least go and talk to profs and make sure if they are ready to give you recos, to as many universities as you are applying and to the field you are applying. Make sure they have your resume and they know everything else that you think would be relevant. Mine was not a very tough deal. My 3 recos goes as, one from my department, one from my math teacher and the other from my IIT M prof. I know there are cases when you have to write your recos and sometimes as much as all the three and its real difficult to differentiate them when you are going to write all the three. So, make sure you work on it properly. I was so lucky that I never had to do it. Its my staunch belief that your recos matter a lot and some more, belief that formed after I got my admits. I am very grateful to all my recommenders who made it work for me. They not just molded me to be the individual I am but also have helped me scale greater heights. I know if it was not for them I would not have the admits that I do now. So, make sure you have very good recommendations.

You already should have decided on the universities you want to apply to. This necessarily depends on your research interests or otherwise, your cgpa and scores, the profs that you like there and think could work with and the reputation of the university. At least thats what I believe matters when you are apping for masters. PhD I have no clue. I think it would be better, if you can have a word with your prof and also some seniors who had similar profile as yours before finalizing on the universities you want to apply to.

After all these, goes the actual apping. It is not a very difficult thing if you are sure of the above. You just go to the university website, get to application forms, most of them have a very user-friendly system, fill it up. They ask for general details. You personal details,name address etc. Then your profile, your college scores, GRE TOEFL, awards and all that. Being a international student, you might have to answer a few questions on that like your country of citizenship, your sponsors and stuff. I remember one univ asking me for a scanned copy of passport along with my app. I really have to mention this! Two of the univ that I applied to wanted my financial documents right at the time of applying. I have no clue how this affects your chances of admits but as it is mandatory you have to send them. The only difference being, if you get an admit without aid, the univ asks you to send the documents whereas here you send it before. So, the application then would ask you for your sop, which sometimes you upload or otherwise paste it in the box provided. I remember one univ that I applied to which never asked me for a sop. Instead they had some 7 or 8 questions that I had to answer in the box provided and that was more comprehensive than my sop. You will have to pay some application fee which might vary widely depending on the university. Also, make sure your GRE and TOEFL score reaches the university on time. It would be better if you can send the additional score reports as soon as you finalize on the university.

With all this done, you send your packets. I would suggest DHL as it is more reliable and you can track your packets till the end. As far as my memory goes, every packet of yours should have all these. A cover letter, transcript, resume, sop, gre and toefl scores, a printed copy of your application. Some other additions may be your financial documents, passport photostats, pre requisites form. OOPS!! I forgot again. Some universities do have pre requisites, courses that they expect you to have done in your under graduation and some additional knowledge. You have to give descriptions of the course, attach a syllabus copy and mention your grades in the paper. You see, they have your transcripts, so you just can not fool around. If it so happens that you have not done a course which they think is necessary why not be honest with them and tell them you have not done it but you will study before you join the university. Trust me, they wont hold it against you if you are good at other things. I know it for sure, because that is what I did. I told them I do not know certain things yet I got the admit, my best and with fellowship. So, at the end of the day, you have to absolutely honest.

With all this done, you have a really very long wait in store for you. You will have to keep checking the status of your applications and the documents. A lot of times your GRE and TOEFL scores are the issue. Some of my universities never found it. Its good that you have sent a copy of them in your packets. You might very well have to send a scanned copy of it to the admissions coordinator of your department. And, you have to track if your recos reached them too. As it is online almost always, you will have to keep reminding your profs to fill your recos and send them within the stipulated date. Here again, if it does not happen, just mail your coord telling what the prob is, and they are sure to give you an extension. I got, for recos, from 2 of my univs.

So, I think this covers almost all that I went through during my apping. At the end of it, getting admits!! its just great. But more on that later. So, at last to what I wanted to say, from my experience. First and foremost, be absolutely honest about everything all through your apping. This is all that that matters. Honest sop do fetch its own rewards. Have some real good recos. They matter loads and loads. Its really good to have a high cgpa. No matter what people may say contrary to this, a good cgpa sure does takes you places. Have a reasonably good GRE(preferably a 800 in quants) and TOEFL scores. But be assured, GRE scores is not what matters the most, there are a lot of other things. I think that's about it. Happy apping!!!

Of GRE.. and more..

I have been wanting to write on this for quite sometime now. But was pretty hooked up with things that I never could manage it. Long ago when I was free I just felt I was not the right person yet. But now, I think I can really talk of it and express my views if not anything else. So this is going to be absolutely my take on the whole process.

I remember days in my second year of college when all these discussions used to happen during our lab sessions.. masters, MBA and more. I knew I wanted to do it. Apply for masters in US but then I was really very clueless about it compared to my other classmates. But still that's what I was going to do though getting into a b-school in India was relatively less complex in terms of the process involved.

Cutting a long story short, the first time I felt insufficient was during my 4th semester hols when some of my classmates who had masters options were doing research projects and I was going to Tata Motors. That I was told would be a negative. I felt very bad. But anyways, TM was a good option and took it up. I had decided that I was going to get into research the next hols. That, believe me, was not at all easy. It being winter not many openings were there. I really wonder how so many people in my college manage to get research projects all the time. I had to struggle. May be because I was not meant for it. Finally, a Prof. accepted me but the field he was working on was nothing related to mine and was not going to be what I want to pursue my higher studies in. CFD and IE are not really close. But I still took it and worked though I did not do a great job of it.

The next issue was GRE. People were preparing like crazy for it when I had not even bought Barrons. I knew I had to do something about it. Thanks to my senior who kind of pushed me through. I finally booked a date and started preparing. Then came my internship. I really could not let it off for I was sure of getting a PPO. Neither did I want to give up GRE. So, I took the internship and postponed my GRE date. I was to prepare all through my hols which never happened. I leave my place for work at about 6 in the morning and come back by 7 at night all so tired. It was a real bad schedule and I really could not study much even when I tried waking up at 4 and sleeping while I commute. I knew Quants was not going to be bad on me but Verbal was not my cup of tea and what I was doing was just adding to it. I had hardly managed to scrape through Barrons word list once when Prof. called me and said he was expecting that I would come back and work. Man!!! He was some great IIT M Prof. and he wants me to come back and work. I really could not say a no whatever the reason be. So I agreed to come and right on the day my internship got over I went to Chennai. Mind you, this was exactly 16 days before my GRE and I had not even completed Barrons list once. To add to this, I had extremely sincere GRE takers for friends who had completed not just Barrons but big book n stuff too more than once when their GRE date was 3 months away!! I really was going to be God-can-only-decide-what. With all this I met some of my friends after coming to Chennai. Effectively about 10days before the day I started taking the few tests I had and the scores were really erratic. With all this, my placement season in college was about to start and I had to register for it. Two days before GRE I was travelling down to register and do the process and get back to Chennai the day before GRE.

Well.. You can imagine how bad a state I was in. I was damn scared and GRE promised me nothing less. I got screwed like I-don't-really-know-to-define-the-extent. I have always been good with Quants and so GRE stuff was no deal. But Verbal was worse than I expected. I knew I was doing the first 5 or 6 questions well when I was baffled by this I-just-can-not-manage 140lines reading comprehension. There I knew I had lost. I somehow managed to push past that but I knew I had messed up. So I was trying really hard to work on the other sessions when I realized I was running out of time. I just started rushing past the questions and had just managed to mark almost every answer when time ended. The questions were so very easy near the end and I knew it was all gone. Still I waited for some miracle without concentrating on the analytical writing that I was doing. Finally at the end of it I click for my scores, only to see a worst nightmare unfolding right there. 800 in Quants yes. But Verbal... I was just doomed.. 510!!!!

There ensued the worst days of my life. What with my parents really wild, everyone around me saying that was the worst score possible and I just can never manage any university anything remotely near top 20. Thanks to my best friend, my only ray of hope. The only person who felt I still would get a good university. After all I had everything else which would work to my advantage. The highest GRE Verbal cut-off, as I remember, to any university that I applied to was 450 and sometimes with a caution that the average of the class is 500. But I had just managed to clear the bare minimum necessity. So, I just went through it. TOEFL was not bad neither was it great. But I did try to do some 2 or 3 listening exercises for I dint want to make a mess again. The only problem in this is the very long duration of the test. Otherwise its very much more easier and comfortable compared to GRE. Though not great I had very much a better score when I think of my GRE. 110 was decent enough for any university. So, that was on the positive side.

So, after the tests start the whole long process of apping to universities. I intend to continue this later. Hmmm.. One last word.. My whole idea of describing in such great details about what happened with my GRE and how I made a mess of it, is just to lay the ground for me to tell at some later point that a bad GRE score does not mean the end of your apping and never to your dreams. So.. Here I stop to continue this later.......

Way to go Bro!!

Times are changing.. for the better or worse.. hard to say.. but things are really changing. I have been feeling very sad lately. Mushy to be more precise. I really wish I could get off it. But somehow seems like its not possible. What with my college ending in another fortnight, me going far far away from home in about 3 months, mom and bro moving away to a new city and my best friend thinking its not best anymore. I don't really know how to go about it. I feel stranded alone in that island that is thousands of miles away from any inhabited place.

My bro is a teen now. We have been this proper sis-bro who keep fighting all the time. But now.. I don't really know if he has grown up or its just my going away thats making me feel so sentimental. There is less than a week to go and he is moving out of this place. Agreed its all for his education but somehow it feels really bad. Probably I should have had sweeter times with him than I have actually did. Getting to think of it now makes me feel more sad. After all he is a small boy (Damn!! Why dint I feel all this for so long!!)

Mom has started packing the stuff. You should really look at all that my bro is doing. I have been down sick since yesterday and that really leaves only him out to help mom. May be thats making him do it all or may be its just that he is too bored with his holidays. But the fact remains that he is helping mom. No, actually he is doing a lot of work. Yesterday he was washing the car. He brought all groceries for mom in the morning.He went to take some photocopies which took nearly an hour of his. He was cleaning one of the shelves, packing the books in boxes and throwing away the old ones for the whole afternoon today. He even got me a drink for I was very ill and mom said a drink would do me good. I really don't know whats come over him but he is just awesome. Way to go bro!!!!!!!!! Love you loads.

P.S. I really wish I have more time with him and also everything else would be back to normal as I hear it being said a lot of times now. :(

Interview.. for MBA!!??

I had the first of my 2 interviews for a B-School yesterday. Now the exclamation and question marks in the title are to express my own state of mind. Almost everyone I know thinks I am just beyond them. Why am I still taking these interviews even after admits!! Well.. I have my own reasons. Moreover, after a lot of contemplation I realized what I wanted to do for life, well almost. I know I would be happy if I do it. It satisfies everything that I consider a necessity for a blissful life. But how easy it is to do that is beyond my comprehension. But I sure want to give it my best shot. Be it masters or MBA to me it is all the means to achieve the same end. The end that which I sure what to reach. If, for some incomprehensible reason,it does not happen, again neither of it would be a bad option. So here I went, for S P Jain's interview...

Before I straight go into it, I have to confess I dint go through any of the preparations that I should have. I am really sorry that I could not take a mock interview with my teacher, one of the best I have met so far. I know I should have taken one and I am sure he would have had a lot of useful points to make which might have made my interview way better than what it was. But, as always, I am very much more comfortable being honest and I really can not stick to the norms of how I should answer questions. This happened with my sop too, a different story altogether which I believe I would post sometime. So I went for this interview with just about zilch preparation.

The interview happened in IIM B. The first time I ever went to the place. My friend tells I still should not be saying that for I went hardly half a km into the campus to where the interviews were held and that's about it. The journey to Bangalore was one of the most tiring journeys I have ever had. Anyways, getting back to the interview. I reached the place almost on time and we were asked to wait till our names were called. As usual, I had a novel with me that I started reading. Getting to think about it, may be its my way to keep me from getting badly tensed. Not that I am absolutely cool even that way but it is loads better than just waiting for my turn. So my name is called and I had to submit some forms and finally we were escorted to the panel. If you dint know, S P Jain has this concept of group interview where a whole lot of people are questioned together. My group had 7 people, 4 guys and 3 girls(With all the 3 of us opting for finance. That's amazing right!!) So there we went. We had 2 professors ready for us.

One of the professors asked us to introduce ourselves in 2min each. So people started rattling off with their absolutely well rehearsed answers. I was the 6th person in the group and about 3 people before me got a "very good" for their introductions. Not to forget is the fact that everyone in my group, except me that is, had work experience, which I felt was a distinct disadvantage to me, more so after the interview got over. So finally I get the turn to talk about me.

Me: I am so-so doing such-such things, my father is this, I want to...
Prof: (I am cut off here) lets get to it later.
Me:(I continue with other things) I like this and being a prodie this matched...
Prof:we will get to it later(Oops!! I am cut again)
Me:(Damn!! Am I conveying anything at all) I did these things in so many years and I like to do this.
So finally I introduced myself but... okay.. you know how it went..
Then the questioning started at a personal level. Starting with their work ex mostly. Discussing about Satyam, global meltdown, Lehman Brothers and all that.
Prof:(to someone before me) Why do you think this company transferred from ICICI to SBI??
He starts pointing out to people to get their views and I was skipped when the 7th guy was asked his view. Damn!! Things are just not going my way.
The fourth guy is being questioned. One of those S P Jain students who was there to help with the process comes into our room and points to his watch and goes off. Time is up!! And only the fourth guy is on. So finally he is done and then the 5th person, a gal. She is being questioned. Another S P Jain student walks in and tells the profs straight. Its getting late. Damn damn damn!! After this came my turn to be questioned. Prof calls out my name.

Me: yes sir
Prof: ..................... (yeah he says nothing)
Me: Sir...
Prof: 5 were questioned before you. You know what we are asking. So go on
Me:(What the hell!! Why does it happen to me all the time!! Well.. I have to talk anyway.) I have opted for finance because I want this, so I need this and this has to be done and this is necessary so I need to do finance
Prof2: Justify your choice of production engineering
Me: I had these options, my background was this, so this seemed an obvious choice
Prof2: But this does not really need finance..
Me: No sir, this is the way to go about things and this-this needs finance.
Prof: If this is what you want to do for life why finance?
Me: Sir.. (before I start explaining I am cut off)
Prof: I know why all you guys want an MBA. The posh suits, great cars and blah blah are so very attractive that everyone wants to go for an MBA.
Me: No sir, I want to do this this and so MBA.
Prof: Have you ever heard of TIFR?
Me: Sir... (I hardly started)
Prof: No.. That's Tata Institute of Fundamental Research. Any physicists who works there can do want you aspire to do.
Me: May be they can do this-this part of what I will do, but there r these-these-these for which finance is a necessity and without these-these no matter what I do would not be proper.
Prof: All that you guys are interested in is posh this-that. WHAT!! I am provoking you, say I am wrong if you want!!
Me: Sir..
Prof: Say I am wrong if you want!!
Me: No sir, its not..
Prof: you want to deny what I say. Say I am wrong!!
Me: Sir, you are wrong. Not everyone wants that. There are this-this-this reasons why people like me want to do MBA.
Prof: Okay, So why S P Jain
Me: This is the place..
Prof: No no.. be brief.. why? let everyone answer this question (point to a few people and then my turn)
Me: csr.. docc.. blah blah
Then he moved over to the next guy. And finally..
Prof: That's it. Thank you. No.. wait.. any questions to us??
Girl 1 : (asked something about joining dates)
Me:(Do I ask or no.. NO.. ASK.. NO DON'T) Sir, there is this myth that S P Jain does not prefer freshers...... ( I am yet to finish my question)
Prof: Who said so!! Last year's batch has about 30% freshers and realize!! 30% is a very huge number.
Me: Thank you sir.

That's it. We were done. Only if we qualify this we can go for the second round which is again a group interview to be held on the same day.Our wait for the results started...
My friend tells me the way my interview went and my not being asked a lot of questions and even skipped few is a very bad sign!! :( :( :( God save me..

(Okay.. This post is already too damn long with no essence that might interest many. So.. Let me continue again some other time.......)

Back to School...

High school days!! Guess that was the best part of my life as yet. Everything worked out just fine. Almost always happy and smiling. Had some weird gang of friends around who made life so much fun. Yesterday I was going through my high school community in Orkut when I came across few profiles that appeared vaguely familiar. Quite a few of them who are already in my list of friends. Quite a few more whom I could not place yet and hope to in the near future. And some whom I could recollect, two to be precise, one with a lot of thinking though. Well.. It would be good to add them and say a hello once in a while. One of them have already approved,the difficult one that is :)

So, thinking of high school days,actually those memories that were brought back when I was trying to think of these guys. One was a family friend. A very nice guy. Calm and kept to himself a lot. The first thing that I remembered was his father giving me a copy of the movie "5 Star" that was on when I was in class 10. Seems pretty silly, but thats what I got reminded of. The movie was pretty much in hype those times. One reason being that was considered some sort of a colorful movie, in the sense, it revolved around 5 friends who study in the same college and manage the impossible of getting placed in the same company and end up living in the same house even after their weddings. Well.. Did I mention that it was 3 guys and 2 gals. Another reason for the hype being a guy of my school, 4 years my senior, who ruined his education and went over to act in the movie. Opinions do differ and a lot at it. To me it was one of those very detestable things to have done. God knows what he is doing right now!! But all the same the movie was very popular for most of us had known him personally.

Digressed a bit too much from what I really wanted to say I guess. So, now going on to what came to my mind when I realized who the second guy was. If I remember right, this guy joined my school when we were in class 8. Quite the opposite of the first one. Very outgoing. Talked to almost everyone possible. But as it stands.. then, now and always, I believe people are to you what you are to them. Though may of my classmates and friends had a lot of problems with his attitude, I never seemed to. He was good to me and I was good to him. That was the end of it. Now, back to what I got reminded of. Treasure Hunt!! To more on it.. School Sports Days are some real big events with not just sports but a lot of other I-am-yet-to-decipher-why-they-do-it sort of stuff happening on the day. The worst of it being some sort of mass exercise program where almost everyone from class 6 to 8 is pulled it. It is always a huge competition and a matter of honor to those who are able to walk out of it, by hook or crook. Luckily that year I was one of those who had the pride of being out of it because of some other commitment that I had on the eve of sports day. So when almost the whole of the school was in the grounds trying to practice it out we guys enjoyed in class. After all it was a very small number of people and never needed looking after. This guy, amongst few others,happened to be one of them. After some boring chaat sessions and stupid games this guy came up with the bright spark. Why not treasure hunt?? After all we had almost the whole high school to ourselves. As long as we did not scream and squeal it was going to be a perfect way to while away the time. And there it started.. Every day we played, for almost two weeks till the end of sports day. What started with just about 10 of my classmates and neighbours gained a lot of momentum till almost about every other student who was around was playing it. We sure missed all the fun after regular classes started.

Small, stupid incidents though they are, brought back a lot of sweet thoughts. I don't really know if I would treasure any other part of life so far as much as my high school days. I am sure there are a lot of my another friends who feel the same. I don't really know, if these two guys happen to read this, if they will remember the same things that I do or not. But I am sure they will remember something which is bound to leave the smiling. And that happiness has a long way to go.

Happiness?? What is that!!

I have been wanting to post something for quite a while now. But somehow anytime I know what I want to write about I am too lazy to make it to the comp and otherwise.. you know.. I am too confused about what to write. Even now, I have thought of some 23 things so far and nothing seems to fit in. So, again to one of my erratic musings....

Times change. I remember being at my lowest not too long ago. Not that I am high now but got to accept things have changed and not all that much for the worse. But something that I don't understand all through this is the reason as to why I don't feel good about anything these days. I do cry sometimes. Well.. a lot of times in the past few months but now that the scenario is loads better why am I not happy!!! Even this morning, when I got.. I will tell you later what I got but that was something that I have always wanted.. I was not jumping about. I was not doing crazy things. I was not calling away people letting them know of it. Just for the records, I called only my parents,my best friend and no one else. Damn it!! I just smiled and nothing more. What is happening to me is something that I really don't understand. I keep wondering why I am not as happy but no matter how much I think I just don't seem to be getting it. I don't know if it is because its takes a lot of other better things to make me happy or is it that I am just becoming so immune to all these. But as things stand now, I am not feeling great about anything.

Well.. not really. I do remember some instance when I was happy, all smiles and bubbling. It might sound too silly and stupid to a lot of people and I am sure the rest of you would think I am weird. But to let you know of what happened yesterday, I had the last paper of my first cycle test and was damn hungry when it got over. As soon as I got home I started eating. When I went to my room again I saw I had a missed call from my best friend. I knew it was to check on how I had done my exams. I called back. It was sometime like 1.50 when the missed call was at 1.20. The call started with how my exams were and then I was let known that there was a call my friend had to take at 2.00 and another one at 2.30 and would not be free for the next hour. I was pretty okay with it and like the nice sweet girl that I am, ended the call at about 1.59. I was trying to do other stuff like.. like.. hmmm.. nothing, when I got a call again from the number that I knew was my friend's in just 5min. I knew the call must have got canceled and yeah my friend said it was so. Man!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was I happy!!!!! I was literally jumping!! There was nothing much to talk of. I was just crapping about the exams, questions, my answers,my neighbors, what I wrote, what I could have written, why I did not write something and whole lot of arbit bullshit about the exam. But then, I was jumping with joy. I was happily laughing away, smiling the whole of 20min vibrant with enthusiasm. Now what to call this, I don't really know. What I sure do know is, I am changing... for the good or bad................

Phew... An offer at last!!!!

I never really thought I would be writing something along these lines. As things were I was one of those very few happy carefree souls who had a job long before the placements started in college and a good one at that. At least something that I liked. I was happy with the place, the company and best of all was the people. So it was never really a worry, though I did think of a second option. The option that would be a dream come true not for the brand or the pay but for so many other reasons.

The first blow was when my second option collapsed before I knew what was happening. I still remember how much I cried. I guess it was the second time in my life that I cried so much. The first and the obvious being JEE. It took quite sometime to heal. Dad, mom, my best friends, everyone had to work so hard to pull me back. To have put up with me that time when every second sentence of mine dwelt on the blow, was really something great. Agreed I still am not completely out of it, yet, I have grown to accept the fact and start living with it.

Life just moved on, with all my apping process and the b-school options that I had taken up. I was getting back to normal when I got my second blow. A disaster. I lost my job. As my friend still insists, its no fault of mine and what can I do when the global scenario is so bad. Well.. May be yes. But you need to experience it to know it. Suddenly I felt so stranded. I had no option. Shillong was some place that I had never considered going to, leave alone the fact that there was still a long way to go even for that to be sure. And.. Admits, I had none yet. The days when I really felt as if I was out on the streets and might very well end up staying at home after Engineering in NIT Trichy.

I was feeling so low. Well.. Not really. To be very honest, I felt nothing for a very long time. It was that nothing that scared the wits out of my best friend. It took a really long talk for him to make me cry. Just that one afternoon felt like forever. Everyone did try consoling me. But the whole point was, at that very minute, I had no clue to what I was going to do for life.

The solace came in the form of Texas A&M University. So, things slowly started getting back to normal state. But, you know what, somewhere down, it pricks, and really badly. "I don't have a job."

Then came this company.The company.After ten long days since things happened.Something which people would not have heard of for I had not till then. It was a very nice profile. It satisfied a bit of all my interests. And... I would be an analyst!! This was indeed an option and the only way out. I took it. Getting to think of it, I recollect how worried some my classmates were after the written test. Well, this was everyone's way out. We had to grab it. Believe me when I say this, this was the second time I felt nothing. The wait in between, I would have gladly attended classes. I was not tensed, not happy, not worried. I was just nothing. That is exactly how I felt even I knew I was to go to the next stage of the selection process. Things went pretty well. An hour and a half of interview, a case study, some HR stuff. Everything went with me feeling nothing.

And.. Finally... I got through. I got a job. I was happy. Contended. But I was still skeptical. I cant be doubly unlucky but you cant deny that it did happen to me once. After a two week long wait, it happened yesterday. I had made the best out of what was open foe me. Phew... I got the offer at last!!!!