Saturday, October 18, 2008

Too near yet too far..

Yet another cycle test got over today.. The second of this semester.. Nothing much to say about it.. The usual.. Not knowing what to study till the day before the exam.. Not knowing where to study from after we get to know what to study.. Calling and sending sms to people.. Running around for photocopies.. Not really.. Its photos these days.. Easier, faster and cheaper too.. You take photos of 200 odd pages of a book and upload it.. So now, rather than waiting in front of shops to get your copies from the huge pile of books there, all that you need to do is find guys who have a copy in their comps.. That makes things really easier.. But only when you get to read what you got, that you realize you have no clue to what it is all about.. Seems like you can understand Greek and Latin better.. So finally close it all and go to bed.. Wake up in the morning and realize you are too short of time.. Then again you start this round of calling people to get to know what to study from the copy or at least know what they are studying.. Nothing works out.. So at last drop this idea of studying and decide to face whatever comes.. After all have we not been doing it for ages now.. It has become a routine these days..

My friend in class and lab partner since I entered the department used to tell me.. In the early days into department, when I used to be so worried if I had not prepared well for the exams.. I always got a pep talk right in the exam hall.. Starting with how long I have been studying, how many exams would I have written in the course of it( And.. Believe me.. he comes up with numbers in 1000s!! ) , how by this time I should be so confident to face anything and not worry about it, for no matter what things wont change much, probably a small difference in marks which I can always compensate for very easily.. He does a lot more of it.. Now I am very much into the idea.. I don't worry in the least.. Whatever be it I just go down to face it and trust me.. Marks don't seem to matter as much as it did.. Well.. not at all for that matter.. So here I'm.. Cycle test ended with a paper where my performance was horrible and here I'm blogging..

With every passing day I'm nearing the end of my college life.. Though college does not seem as enticing as it did a few months back, I know it is still a place that I've grown to like and am sure to miss.. This place that has taught me loads.. Loads apart from acads.. A lot of sweet memories.. Nice moments.. All the fun I have had.. All the happy past.. I really am going to miss this place.. No.. I don't want to write more on it now.. That would make me feel I am to be chased off college tomorrow.. I will do that later when it is too near to avoid.. I can hold it for now.... Getting to think about it.. There have been times when I wish it would all end soon.. All the difficulties I am led to face everyday.. Pulling me along through those 6 or 7 hours full of pain and agony.. When everything and everyone around me seems so alien and.. And then thinking of all that that might be in store for me some nine months from now.. I really wish it would all end so fast..

But I don't really know what exactly I want.. What I would feel when I have to face it for real.. When it actually ends.. I have no idea.. Now, what I want is for it to end immediately.. And.. Continue forever..