Changes..

This post is going to be so incorrigible, blunt and raw but it is going to be here all the same.

Its been 6 days since I thought of writing. Six, that is how long it has been since I came back from NYC. Yes, yes, I went back, for the second time, in less than 2 weeks. Come on, dint I tell you I was romanticizing the trip too much. I thought it would gradually decline but it somehow did not. So, I decided to get some official work done, that which I had been postponing for close to 9 months now. I had to travel and as it was semi-official, I ended up staying with my friend. Yes, the very same. In essence, I made my sentiments go all topsy-turvy and the decline became an exponential increase. Anyways, there I was.. in New York City.. again!

In the past few days, I knew I wanted to write but the what-about has been deforming, rather I have been. If I had to recount my experience, it would be just like last time. Loads of fun, lots of happiness. You know this, from-the-bottom-of-the-heart thing. That is what it was. Add to this some excitement and anxiety due to the impending hurricane and lot of misery for having to leave 2 days earlier than expected, that was my trip.

Now that you know how much I love being there, I decided not to rub it in all over again. There I was and paradise it was, period. What got me thinking was, why I am not the same otherwise. I know there is this factor, that I have to totally attribute to my Prof, my grad school Director who decided we would fit best together and the program. She did an amazingly great job. We are so much in sync, were while we were in school, still are and I'm pretty sure that is not something that would change in the long run. Probably that is all it is, put in together a bunch of like minded people in every sense and they are happy whenever wherever.

But what I also did realize was that I am a different person, in their presence. Not like this weird different or hypocritical different. It is more like, shook the perspectives and ideas that I have held closely for a very long time and brought about a change in the attitude thing. Just to give the mildest of it, I'm not someone who is very happy around people who are consuming alcohol; see I don't say drunk, because my friend drove it to me that in-taking and being drunk are two different things and it pisses one off when you loosely use the term and me instead of arguing and saying whatever be it it is not fine, I accepted it and stopped using the term. Anyways, that is not the point. So, I used to be horrible in that environment, whereas now I am good with people drinking, I am good with going out with people for the very purpose, I am good with staying till 3 in the morning doing it, I am even good with getting back with them and crashing in. Darn it, I actually am great. That is just not it, alcohol, smoke, music, politics, relationships and way too much more. If I start listing out all that I am ready to recognize now, anybody who had known me would be sure that I'm possessed.

Why am I so different around them? Why am I so comfortable with it? Why am I so accommodating? Why do I earn for it so much? Why do I romanticize? Why am I ready to redefine? Why am I ready to alter my whole value system? Why am I ready to be so not me!! Well.. the only realization that dawned on me... at the end of the day... it is all about the people.

Go Big Red!

Finally, a happy happy post, a lil beyond bounds may be. But happy I am and that is what this post is going to be, embarrassingly so. I did not mention that I was going to NYC over the weekend, did I. So, that is where I was, with my fellow grad-schoolers (Yeah, yeah, I know the term does not exist. I also know what I should have typed instead. But lets just not do it ok. I'm sure you could figure it out with all my cheeky mentions anyway) I was so totally excited and lil apprehensive at the same time. These were some of the best of people I have met, all my life, insanely smart and extremely friendly. And, I have not been with them all since graduation. Obviously the excitement took over and to the city I went.

It was going to be 5 of us. The fille who got us all together with her visit. An awesome person who can actually bring any set of random people together. She was back from traveling around the world for a year and she wanted to catch up with her friends. Being the sweet person she is, she flew in from the west to north-east, for the very reason. The next one is another great girl. To give you the context, if you take the most-smartest of the mathematically oriented people in the whole wide world, add in ambitions the height of Everest, never-ending stream of hard work, enthusiasm beyond saturation levels and impossible amounts of friendliness, you get my Class of 2010. And this one was one of our valedictorians. Then comes the guy, well.. not yet, first comes his apartment, the place that I crashed in. When I first mentioned the place to one of my other friends, the conversation went like this "Wow! He lives right in the middle of the world" "Well.. If you lived there, you are the bloody world!". Come on, put it all together! Ok, now comes him. One of those people who have made me wonder what the heck was I doing all my teen life. Smart, successful, sportive, sensible and sensitive, all at the same time. And the last one, well.. if you had meet him, you will totally redefine determination. One of those early friends of mine from grad school, more so because of the Indian-ness, but not the kind of Indian type that I never could accept. A lineage of accomplishments and so totally going to be worth it all.

So, there I was in New York City! The minute I entered the apartment, the very lil of the apprehensions totally vanished. It was like the good old days, if not better. Discussing weather was so not needed, until of course it started raining the 2nd day. Anyways, it was amazing from the first minute. Did a lot of stuff I have always been hesitant to do. Street food, going out at 11, opening up over a hi, posh lounges - witnessing all that it comes with, being so very comfortable around people doing what they do best in such environments, walking 15 blocks in the middle of the night, coming home at 4, coming home with people high on 7 drinks, chatting till 5 when the drinking continues at home, sleeping till 12, silly jokes trying to freshen up, walking through creepy warehouse-y New York streets, going to hidden shady French cafes selling impeccable desserts, Chinese brunches, American politics lunch conversations, loosing sense of direction, admiring awkward buildings, dreaming of 10K-1br condos, fair shares of Macarons, backpacks full of gadgets, walking and nothing-ness in central park, chai chocolates, girls shopping and guy ends up buying, blowing off dinners, non-stop chatter with uncontrollable laughter, decks with views, playing pool rather learning to without any inhibitions, dinner out at 11 - waiting in the bar for an hr discussing Indian caste-ism and sentiments, laughing over smutty conversations in front of desis, taxi rides, crowded pubs, car bombs, enjoying getting drenched in the rain, taking the subway with tipsy people, continuing talks on earlier mentioned lines, NYC subway map boxers, getting freaked by one's drunk conversations, getting totally impressed by other's, Austin Powers, inane amusement, snuggling on Sunday morning talking about Keynes- trillion dollar gap- literal total eclipse of the heart - Alvin Ailey - temples and church services - raw material for cookies and everything else under the sun, ordering in Indian buffet, promising first drinks, giving depressed talks and finally starting back home walking 10 blocks in the rain on the 8th. Bliss!

Its been 2 days and I have not stopped romanticizing the trip yet. Everyone I ever mention any of it to is absolutely baffled and can't believe it was me. I wonder if I would have felt all that I felt sometime ago if this was the kind of weekend I can have, may be even once a month. I ruminate.. I dream.. After it all, just one thought, a sentence from a movie dialogue though totally unrelated, keeps popping into my mind "... vaazhkai epdi vaazhradhunu naa kaatren"

A year old professional

Yes! It has been a year since I started working! I almost forgot, if not for the surge of new hires yesterday. I had always assumed this to be such a scary endeavor that it feels extra good to have held on to it for a year. What else could I have done after graduating, you wonder! Well.. PhD was an option, while away another 5 years in school and then become a Prof, not that that was not working, anyways or may be do what every 3rd Tam girl seems to do, lets not even get me started on that. So, I made my choices and here I'm one year later, happy that I did what I did.

I still remember the first day of work when I was supposed to make it in by 8.45 and I had the option of taking the connection to here at 8.40 or 7.50. I choose 7.50, given the 15min ride and ended up reaching the station by 7.10! I could have been early by an hour and a half. That is what I am I guess. Get apprehensive, obsess over trivial issues, over-analyze, freak out, bug everyone else, anger, finally go wth and yet end up giving it 3 different excessive buffers.(Ok, not as bad as that sounds, but I'm a little too cautious yes)

Anyways, I made it to work well and good on the first day and its been great since then. A nurturing environment, a very intelligent - hard working team, awesome neighbors, young and fun colleagues, stimulating discussions, exciting work, some not-so-exciting stuff, a few 16hr days, a few 7hr ones, work-from-home, 3hr lunches, lunches at 4, meetings at 6am, meetings at 9pm, Christmas and Halloween parties, summer carnivals, re-orgs, roadshows, recruiting, some bad days, some great days, a lot of peaceful ones.. One amazing year and hopefully a precursor to many more.

Tuesday blues and grad schools

Tuesdays! Yes, I've those in addition to the all too well known Monday blues and Sunday evenings. It all started about 3 months back. As always, to go on with the prologue.. you know what is a bummer when you live in the Western hemisphere, you get to start your days much later than your counterparts. If your counterparts live not only in Europe but also in Australia, you start everything after they have put it to rest for the day. And, when anyone decides they need to talk something out with you, everyone is all too happy to pull you out of bed at an ungodly hour! Yes, you end up having meetings at 7am. Not only do you have to attend a 7am they decide to have you put something together for the meeting and also have a 8am, that you loose the option of dialing in from home unless you want to be the last person getting in to work. Put it all together and you get me waking up at 4, every Tuesday. Yes, every Tuesday. No matter how much I try, I just can never get into the routine. Now, that justifies having blues right.

Today was one of those Tuesdays. Add to it the Monday that was yesterday when I could get off only after 8pm, I should be seeing all colors today. Given you are reading this, you sure are swearing at me for making such a huge issue about working till 8. I totally get it. When I talk to some of my friends and classmates back home, I hear all sorts of stories when people had to work odd hours. You have 16 hr work days, 18 hr days, you leave work at 4am and start again at 8, your routine schedule is 3pm to 12am, you have to accommodate calls at 3 in the night, you have gone without weekends for 3 weeks at a stretch, you have crashed at office, I've heard it all. But, I don't work is such environments. I work in this country and I'm not an I-banker or 4-days-in-flight consultant. I work at a nice, awesome, sane, peaceful place. So, no it is not normal for me to have 14hr workdays and start again at 4am. I totally have to mention this here. When I first started doing this schedule, my VP made it a point to call and let me know that it is totally fine if I feel I can't make it to meeting some day and even if I did make it I should not extend my day too long into the evening. So, you get the kind of place I work at right. Okay, now I have digressed too much that I've totally lost track.

Yep, got it. So, it was one of those Tuesdays and at 3 in the afternoon I was all maxed out when I came across this, from a mention somewhere else. To say I was appalled is an understatement. I kind of agree that no deliveries is overkill but.. do they actually get their rooms cleaned by someone, seriously!!! I just could not believe it. And the students actually protesting, you must be kidding me! Not that I'm against them or anything. I've quite a few friends there, extremely smart people and doing great in life. But this did seem ridiculous. I know for a fact about all the stuff they do. I still remember my CAT prep days when one of the mentors who is an alumnus, told us that his best takeaway was learning to work under pressure and manage time effectively. Yes, they have to study loads and loads, cases, assignments, exams, clubs, events. I get it. I also know that there are freshers parties, club parties, section parties, after event parties and more. Yes, they do have time to do it. Oops, thats networking!! But the supposedly créme de la créme of our country can't even clean their own messy rooms.

What totally threw me off and forced me to write about it was the few reader comments that followed the article. I probably read like 10-15 of them. I just could not go further. I have no idea why the comments went wayward, but people had to bring in grad students here, compare both and pass judgments. How can I stay put now! If you choose to compare the "best" b school, lets go to some place really good if not the best. Actually, I personally had friends who took in a workload of 20 credits a semester(the normal being 12 max), worked 15 hours a week, prepared for other certifications, searched for a job during a recessionary period(Yes, here you "search" for jobs), lived off campus, cooked their own food, did groceries, cleaned their rooms and still managed to get great cgpa and land awesome jobs. How do people even come up with such comparisons!! Anyways..

Reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my friends (who is a part of the best, in their sense of the term) which ended with me going all "My school gave me the attitude that I can do anything, if I want" and him with "And mine that I deserve everything".