F09!!! Thats what we are called.. Its more than a month away and God knows how bad this is going to get in the mean time. I am so damn scared, very very apprehensive and too worried about how this is going to work out. I don't know if I can cope with all the new subjects, the pressure, the new place and what not!! I don't know what is expected of me. I don't know how I'm going to manage it all. And.. So many times it makes me wonder if I fit in at all. The awesome university and a great field at that, the kind of people who get in.. All that leaves me wondering.. Why am I even there. But somewhere down I realize, or atleast I'm told to realize, that I won't be where I am going to be if I was not really worth it. I must be. There must be something that does make me a part of the league. But what is it.. I'm yet to find.
So many times, getting to think about it, I feel.. may be, it would have been better to have taken up the job. Almost always when I get to discuss jobs with friends, it always leave me feeling bad. It still hurts. When everyone is working, here I am.. going to Grad School.. It does not make it any better saying it out. Well.. It is bad to be thinking about it too. The kind of life people have, because they are earning, leaves you feeling low beyond limits. Not having got to study like crazy everyday, no worrying about tests, assignments and gpa. It is so good. There is this best part, you get to earn!! You can spend it the way you want. Go to a movie, hang out with friends, or atleast get to buy a book for 100 bucks without having to think "OMG 100!!" Even if not that, you don't really have to keep tabs of every penny you spend, you don't have to live on 2 meals a day, you don't have to worry if eating one proper meal out will leave you out of your cash for cereals that week, you don't plan a month before on living in noodles and bread, you don't have to cut down on your travel expenses so that it might help you with a laptop, you don't have to plan on buying laptops which might cost a 50 bucks less, you don't have to worry for 6 months if your house and utilities would cost 20 bucks more than you thought it would, you don't have to worry if talking over the phone to your parents will get you broke.. Oh my God.. I really don't want to do this. For any one who earns, everything seems so trivial. But here I am, yet to point out trivial stuff that might bother me. If you just can't remotely imagine what the trivial stuff might be, then I'm sure you must be having a job.Damn!! Makes me regret why I dint take up the job. Damn!! I should have. I must have been crazy!! Really Really Crazy!!!!
Hmmm.. Well.. Hope I survive!!!!
