Happiness?? What is that!!

I have been wanting to post something for quite a while now. But somehow anytime I know what I want to write about I am too lazy to make it to the comp and otherwise.. you know.. I am too confused about what to write. Even now, I have thought of some 23 things so far and nothing seems to fit in. So, again to one of my erratic musings....

Times change. I remember being at my lowest not too long ago. Not that I am high now but got to accept things have changed and not all that much for the worse. But something that I don't understand all through this is the reason as to why I don't feel good about anything these days. I do cry sometimes. Well.. a lot of times in the past few months but now that the scenario is loads better why am I not happy!!! Even this morning, when I got.. I will tell you later what I got but that was something that I have always wanted.. I was not jumping about. I was not doing crazy things. I was not calling away people letting them know of it. Just for the records, I called only my parents,my best friend and no one else. Damn it!! I just smiled and nothing more. What is happening to me is something that I really don't understand. I keep wondering why I am not as happy but no matter how much I think I just don't seem to be getting it. I don't know if it is because its takes a lot of other better things to make me happy or is it that I am just becoming so immune to all these. But as things stand now, I am not feeling great about anything.

Well.. not really. I do remember some instance when I was happy, all smiles and bubbling. It might sound too silly and stupid to a lot of people and I am sure the rest of you would think I am weird. But to let you know of what happened yesterday, I had the last paper of my first cycle test and was damn hungry when it got over. As soon as I got home I started eating. When I went to my room again I saw I had a missed call from my best friend. I knew it was to check on how I had done my exams. I called back. It was sometime like 1.50 when the missed call was at 1.20. The call started with how my exams were and then I was let known that there was a call my friend had to take at 2.00 and another one at 2.30 and would not be free for the next hour. I was pretty okay with it and like the nice sweet girl that I am, ended the call at about 1.59. I was trying to do other stuff like.. like.. hmmm.. nothing, when I got a call again from the number that I knew was my friend's in just 5min. I knew the call must have got canceled and yeah my friend said it was so. Man!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was I happy!!!!! I was literally jumping!! There was nothing much to talk of. I was just crapping about the exams, questions, my answers,my neighbors, what I wrote, what I could have written, why I did not write something and whole lot of arbit bullshit about the exam. But then, I was jumping with joy. I was happily laughing away, smiling the whole of 20min vibrant with enthusiasm. Now what to call this, I don't really know. What I sure do know is, I am changing... for the good or bad................

Phew... An offer at last!!!!

I never really thought I would be writing something along these lines. As things were I was one of those very few happy carefree souls who had a job long before the placements started in college and a good one at that. At least something that I liked. I was happy with the place, the company and best of all was the people. So it was never really a worry, though I did think of a second option. The option that would be a dream come true not for the brand or the pay but for so many other reasons.

The first blow was when my second option collapsed before I knew what was happening. I still remember how much I cried. I guess it was the second time in my life that I cried so much. The first and the obvious being JEE. It took quite sometime to heal. Dad, mom, my best friends, everyone had to work so hard to pull me back. To have put up with me that time when every second sentence of mine dwelt on the blow, was really something great. Agreed I still am not completely out of it, yet, I have grown to accept the fact and start living with it.

Life just moved on, with all my apping process and the b-school options that I had taken up. I was getting back to normal when I got my second blow. A disaster. I lost my job. As my friend still insists, its no fault of mine and what can I do when the global scenario is so bad. Well.. May be yes. But you need to experience it to know it. Suddenly I felt so stranded. I had no option. Shillong was some place that I had never considered going to, leave alone the fact that there was still a long way to go even for that to be sure. And.. Admits, I had none yet. The days when I really felt as if I was out on the streets and might very well end up staying at home after Engineering in NIT Trichy.

I was feeling so low. Well.. Not really. To be very honest, I felt nothing for a very long time. It was that nothing that scared the wits out of my best friend. It took a really long talk for him to make me cry. Just that one afternoon felt like forever. Everyone did try consoling me. But the whole point was, at that very minute, I had no clue to what I was going to do for life.

The solace came in the form of Texas A&M University. So, things slowly started getting back to normal state. But, you know what, somewhere down, it pricks, and really badly. "I don't have a job."

Then came this company.The company.After ten long days since things happened.Something which people would not have heard of for I had not till then. It was a very nice profile. It satisfied a bit of all my interests. And... I would be an analyst!! This was indeed an option and the only way out. I took it. Getting to think of it, I recollect how worried some my classmates were after the written test. Well, this was everyone's way out. We had to grab it. Believe me when I say this, this was the second time I felt nothing. The wait in between, I would have gladly attended classes. I was not tensed, not happy, not worried. I was just nothing. That is exactly how I felt even I knew I was to go to the next stage of the selection process. Things went pretty well. An hour and a half of interview, a case study, some HR stuff. Everything went with me feeling nothing.

And.. Finally... I got through. I got a job. I was happy. Contended. But I was still skeptical. I cant be doubly unlucky but you cant deny that it did happen to me once. After a two week long wait, it happened yesterday. I had made the best out of what was open foe me. Phew... I got the offer at last!!!!