2 Years and Counting

Back again.. and with a good timing too. For some weird reason, here I was, checking this space out when I realized its time for the "2 yrs old professional" post. Yes! It has been two years now. What can I say, I am actually a normal person who can hold a job. (Ok, if you put it that way, it does not sound all that good. But good it is!) As everyone, I have had my share of ups and downs but I still like the work I do and the people I work with. So, yes, good it is. 

Talking of people, it has been great. Even more than the first year. I made some very good friends, whom I'm comfortable socializing with outside of work. Essentially, I was ready to let them into my personal lives. Got a mentor who has been a wonder. Learnt a lot, work, culture, professionalism, politics and more. (Somebody teach me the grammar that I'm so conveniently letting go of) Found my groove and got good at it. Learnt math, stats, finance, management, lean and some more. Worked with different kinds of people, in corporate offices and  manufacturing facilities and at multiple locations too. Saw a bit of the world. Became a lot more independent in a lot of fronts. On the whole, it has been a great one year.

A better analyst and a better person.. and now down under! 

To This Space, Again..

As always, here I'm, after 7 or so months and finally I seem to have a reasonably better sense of what drives me here. The primary factor being boredom, especially at work when I've no deadlines coming up. That does not essentially mean I don't have tons of work. It just means that I decided to cram it all up into three 20 hour days instead of a sane week. So, being bored I start to search through my reader instead of just the usual news bits when I eat and I come up with quite some writings which reminds me that I've a blog too and I need to fill it up once in a while if I want to reminisce 25 years from now. (Yes, I know, that is quite an assumption. But then, why not!)

Alright now, what was I up to all these months. Ahh, quite a bit, new job requirements, new locations, new people, a lot of hustle and bustle, mayhem, a total topsy turvey and back to the normal life, almost. Me being the, no actually, me not being the person that I used to be, I am going to refrain from explaining every tedious moment of the past few months and stick to some not-so-disturbingly-personal thoughts and ideas. Well, in the  near future.. hopefully.. 

So Do People..

Or may be not. (Yes, I'm going to spell it out, the first half of it was times change) After a sleepless night, about 7 miles of walk and a lot of depressing thoughts, I still have not come to terms with it. I tend to blame myself for everything that went wrong. I'm supposed to blame it all on the jerk and let go. I'm supposed to feel I'm worth too much more. But I just am not able to. May be its a woman thing or its just me. No matter how much I know otherwise.

Whenever I think about it, there is a lot of negativity. I come up with a hundred reasons to feel victimized. But I don't want it to take the better of me. For, the more it gets to me, the more I feel stuck and remember I can not end it. As always, I don't enjoy having enemies less so hating friends. So, as I replied to one of my random emails at work today, I take the high road. (Yes, I'm back to being the cryptic confusing self) Reminds me of one of the discussions I had with my friend. Talk of stock prices led to economics that lead to politics and to that of the middle east and finally ended in what is loosely defined as philosophy. My friend was explaining why he believes in re-birth. No, he is not one of those types. He is an extremely smart, quantitative man but yes my friend and so of course, he talks everything under the sun and yes that is very limiting. Coming back to re-birth, what he said was one of those ideals that is infinitely soothing. If you did not have enough of a life time to reap for all that you did, you of course had to be born again. Be it good or bad, the latter more so. People who are inherently poor, not defined monetarily here, are actually facing it all. Reminded me of what my mom always says, as long as you keep doing good, the universe gives it all back to you. It is so Dharma, but there is so much negativity without me having to add to it. And, at the end of the day, as I always say one can never stoop to certain levels. So, no matter how much it hurts, it is all going to be me.

Talking of all this, reminds me of a comic strip from Tinkle that I read, probably 15years ago. It starts with a man advising someone to believe that 'even this will pass' and the other questioning if he actually believes it. The end goes something like 'yes, I do. I was worried about losing 10 pounds then and now I'm worried about a 20' (Yes, that was funny.. 15years ago). But the crux of it is 'even this will pass' . I would have learnt it through better means had I been more traditionally religious and read Bhagavad Gita. Whatever the means be, this is something that I started to accept. As much as I started believing shit happens. Anyways, the last time I remember thinking even this will pass was when I was in grad school and having house-y issues. (Man! I'm on a roll here, with all the connections!) Those were some of the most depressing times though it affected me less than now. There were mornings when I used to wake up to misery. The one thing, lets go for inanimate here, that kept me going was this song that I used to play over and over. Specifically, this one sentence had so much hold over me that I went on to extremely believe in it.. manadhin neelam edhuvo adhuve vaazhvin neelamada...

Hikes, Liberty and Randomness

Yet another Tuesday.. don't I start my posts with this way too many times! Given my schedule this day every week, you would not really blame me, I'm sure. Here I'm.. trying to drag on for another 3 hours, before it seems reasonable to take off. So, to how life has been.

The most exciting happening after the hurricane was the hike last weekend. Yes, you are right, that is not me, I really am not this hiking-backpacking-camping person but somehow managed to get entangled in one of those scenarios. So, hiking I did for about 7 miles but in supposedly not first timers friendly site. At least that is what everyone has been telling me for the past 2 days when they learn the reason behind my limp. But it was quite fun, lost a few calories and had some amazing, picture perfect, views. Got me thinking why Indians don't do all these for pleasure and some more deeper thoughts on economy. All roads lead to economy these days, but that's different story altogether. There is pretty much nothing more to report of the actual hiking part, but the journey to and fro and the company I had is sure worth a mention. (No, it is not my yet-another-rendition-of-amazing-people, trust me)

We had about 5 hrs drive and of course all the time during the hike, so the company did matter. Some good conversations, some intellectual ones, some fun, on the whole nice people. The couple(not couple couple but lets just call these two people couple for ease) in my party was way entertaining, a little more so. With all the laughter, blushes, fights, flirting, pda they sure did draw the attention of even the quietest in my party. Talking to the guy at the end of it, I got the explanation that he likes"naughty" girls and she is all of it and there is nothing wrong in flirting even though there are lots of constraints, a boy friend included. If I had to redefine it, I would not really say naughty. It is more of the kiddish/helpless/naive/lost-child thing that a lot of women without any effort bring in. I ended up discussing this with my friend and realized a whole lot of them do(100% with 95% confidence it is :) ) What bothers me more is that men actually seem to love it, want more of it. Gets me wondering.. does that give one a feeling of dependence that they start going for it all head over heels!

I still remember, one of the earliest times I was away from home, interning. Some work, got delayed and it was soon 11 in the night with me struck in some isolated part of the city. I was talking to dad over the phone all the way back. I was pretty scared. That is when dad went with one of his ever useful advices(well.. it was an angry lash, but lets not call it that). When you are helpless and lost, you don't ever show it out. You got to put on a brave face, be very confident and act as if you know what you are doing. Even if you do need help, you do it with ease, with no sign of helplessness and at the end you get everything to work out the way you need it to. Seemed to make a lot of sense then, now and maybe always. Is this not what you do, whatever the scenario be! Acting helpless even when you actually are so makes you an easy target, so what when you are not. Why would you want to act lost? Why would you want to emanate weakness?

Shit Happens..

I know, don't start. You don't title posts in French. Don't you realize? I know euphemisms, I just dint want to use it.

When you meet someone, get to know someone, you inherently try to classify them into buckets. Some are nice, some sweet, some smart and some are just plain jerks. There are very few people who make it to your set of awesome. They have everything you think a person should have. Every facet of their life makes you think they are good at it. I sure have come across quite a few of them in my life. Not perfect essentially, but sure did make into my list of awesome people. It always makes you feel bad when you get to know something went wrong in their lives. I had mine blown off recently, twice.

Two of the most awesome guys I will ever come across. Yes, I am ready to vouch for the future, they are just that awesome. I went to grad school with them, got to know them, hung out a bit, had some laughs, shared personal lives, shared workloads, shared frustrations, shared happiness and then graduated but managed to stay in touch with calls once a blue moon. Somehow just made sure you are still in each other's lives, however hardly. In the past month, it so happened that I met one of them, which triggered thoughts of the other and so I ended up talking to both, catching up on the past 6 odd months of their lives and ripping off few more to come of mine..

Both of them had broken up, their relationships were in shambles.. to the extent that they did not want to ever talk to or of the girls, they never wanted to go back to the same places, they had lost their mutual friends, they had changed their life styles, what used to make them happy makes them sad now, drowning themselves in work, getting into bad personal relationships that affects their professional lives, mood swings and tempers, resurrecting old interests, questioning their new ones, redefining what they believe in, they have pretty much changed their whole identities. I wonder how anybody can do something like this to such awesome people. Though I did know both sides of it, I might be biased. But these are people whom you never want to miss in your lives, especially when they are ready to spend all their life with you.

I felt bad, I almost cried and both of them tried to tell me it was fine, tried to tell me they have gotten out of it, tried to tell me they are back to their normal selves. But you could feel it, normal may be but not their old selves, something was lost. That is when one of them came up with this.. shit happens. (Yes, he was the impacted one and he was trying to be sweet to me, that is how good they are!)

Life is not always all happiness and joy. Everybody wants everything to work out right, we try our best to make it happen, we strive for it, we try to get a control over things, get a control over ourselves. So many times, even when we know things are going wrong, we just are not ready to accept. We try to hold on to it, we try extra hard to make it work, we try to give in, we start feeling guilty, we start blaming ourselves. It starts affecting every sphere of our lives, yet we still cling on to it. Fighting everyday, crying ourselves to sleep, all the emotions, all the trauma, yet we want it. There is some point when you have to realize.. May be it is not worth it. May be it is high time we let go. May be it is high time we accepted it is not worth us. May be the best course of action is it to learn to live. Life never is they-lived-happily-ever-after. Life never is what we want it to be.. Shit Happens...

Changes..

This post is going to be so incorrigible, blunt and raw but it is going to be here all the same.

Its been 6 days since I thought of writing. Six, that is how long it has been since I came back from NYC. Yes, yes, I went back, for the second time, in less than 2 weeks. Come on, dint I tell you I was romanticizing the trip too much. I thought it would gradually decline but it somehow did not. So, I decided to get some official work done, that which I had been postponing for close to 9 months now. I had to travel and as it was semi-official, I ended up staying with my friend. Yes, the very same. In essence, I made my sentiments go all topsy-turvy and the decline became an exponential increase. Anyways, there I was.. in New York City.. again!

In the past few days, I knew I wanted to write but the what-about has been deforming, rather I have been. If I had to recount my experience, it would be just like last time. Loads of fun, lots of happiness. You know this, from-the-bottom-of-the-heart thing. That is what it was. Add to this some excitement and anxiety due to the impending hurricane and lot of misery for having to leave 2 days earlier than expected, that was my trip.

Now that you know how much I love being there, I decided not to rub it in all over again. There I was and paradise it was, period. What got me thinking was, why I am not the same otherwise. I know there is this factor, that I have to totally attribute to my Prof, my grad school Director who decided we would fit best together and the program. She did an amazingly great job. We are so much in sync, were while we were in school, still are and I'm pretty sure that is not something that would change in the long run. Probably that is all it is, put in together a bunch of like minded people in every sense and they are happy whenever wherever.

But what I also did realize was that I am a different person, in their presence. Not like this weird different or hypocritical different. It is more like, shook the perspectives and ideas that I have held closely for a very long time and brought about a change in the attitude thing. Just to give the mildest of it, I'm not someone who is very happy around people who are consuming alcohol; see I don't say drunk, because my friend drove it to me that in-taking and being drunk are two different things and it pisses one off when you loosely use the term and me instead of arguing and saying whatever be it it is not fine, I accepted it and stopped using the term. Anyways, that is not the point. So, I used to be horrible in that environment, whereas now I am good with people drinking, I am good with going out with people for the very purpose, I am good with staying till 3 in the morning doing it, I am even good with getting back with them and crashing in. Darn it, I actually am great. That is just not it, alcohol, smoke, music, politics, relationships and way too much more. If I start listing out all that I am ready to recognize now, anybody who had known me would be sure that I'm possessed.

Why am I so different around them? Why am I so comfortable with it? Why am I so accommodating? Why do I earn for it so much? Why do I romanticize? Why am I ready to redefine? Why am I ready to alter my whole value system? Why am I ready to be so not me!! Well.. the only realization that dawned on me... at the end of the day... it is all about the people.

Go Big Red!

Finally, a happy happy post, a lil beyond bounds may be. But happy I am and that is what this post is going to be, embarrassingly so. I did not mention that I was going to NYC over the weekend, did I. So, that is where I was, with my fellow grad-schoolers (Yeah, yeah, I know the term does not exist. I also know what I should have typed instead. But lets just not do it ok. I'm sure you could figure it out with all my cheeky mentions anyway) I was so totally excited and lil apprehensive at the same time. These were some of the best of people I have met, all my life, insanely smart and extremely friendly. And, I have not been with them all since graduation. Obviously the excitement took over and to the city I went.

It was going to be 5 of us. The fille who got us all together with her visit. An awesome person who can actually bring any set of random people together. She was back from traveling around the world for a year and she wanted to catch up with her friends. Being the sweet person she is, she flew in from the west to north-east, for the very reason. The next one is another great girl. To give you the context, if you take the most-smartest of the mathematically oriented people in the whole wide world, add in ambitions the height of Everest, never-ending stream of hard work, enthusiasm beyond saturation levels and impossible amounts of friendliness, you get my Class of 2010. And this one was one of our valedictorians. Then comes the guy, well.. not yet, first comes his apartment, the place that I crashed in. When I first mentioned the place to one of my other friends, the conversation went like this "Wow! He lives right in the middle of the world" "Well.. If you lived there, you are the bloody world!". Come on, put it all together! Ok, now comes him. One of those people who have made me wonder what the heck was I doing all my teen life. Smart, successful, sportive, sensible and sensitive, all at the same time. And the last one, well.. if you had meet him, you will totally redefine determination. One of those early friends of mine from grad school, more so because of the Indian-ness, but not the kind of Indian type that I never could accept. A lineage of accomplishments and so totally going to be worth it all.

So, there I was in New York City! The minute I entered the apartment, the very lil of the apprehensions totally vanished. It was like the good old days, if not better. Discussing weather was so not needed, until of course it started raining the 2nd day. Anyways, it was amazing from the first minute. Did a lot of stuff I have always been hesitant to do. Street food, going out at 11, opening up over a hi, posh lounges - witnessing all that it comes with, being so very comfortable around people doing what they do best in such environments, walking 15 blocks in the middle of the night, coming home at 4, coming home with people high on 7 drinks, chatting till 5 when the drinking continues at home, sleeping till 12, silly jokes trying to freshen up, walking through creepy warehouse-y New York streets, going to hidden shady French cafes selling impeccable desserts, Chinese brunches, American politics lunch conversations, loosing sense of direction, admiring awkward buildings, dreaming of 10K-1br condos, fair shares of Macarons, backpacks full of gadgets, walking and nothing-ness in central park, chai chocolates, girls shopping and guy ends up buying, blowing off dinners, non-stop chatter with uncontrollable laughter, decks with views, playing pool rather learning to without any inhibitions, dinner out at 11 - waiting in the bar for an hr discussing Indian caste-ism and sentiments, laughing over smutty conversations in front of desis, taxi rides, crowded pubs, car bombs, enjoying getting drenched in the rain, taking the subway with tipsy people, continuing talks on earlier mentioned lines, NYC subway map boxers, getting freaked by one's drunk conversations, getting totally impressed by other's, Austin Powers, inane amusement, snuggling on Sunday morning talking about Keynes- trillion dollar gap- literal total eclipse of the heart - Alvin Ailey - temples and church services - raw material for cookies and everything else under the sun, ordering in Indian buffet, promising first drinks, giving depressed talks and finally starting back home walking 10 blocks in the rain on the 8th. Bliss!

Its been 2 days and I have not stopped romanticizing the trip yet. Everyone I ever mention any of it to is absolutely baffled and can't believe it was me. I wonder if I would have felt all that I felt sometime ago if this was the kind of weekend I can have, may be even once a month. I ruminate.. I dream.. After it all, just one thought, a sentence from a movie dialogue though totally unrelated, keeps popping into my mind "... vaazhkai epdi vaazhradhunu naa kaatren"

A year old professional

Yes! It has been a year since I started working! I almost forgot, if not for the surge of new hires yesterday. I had always assumed this to be such a scary endeavor that it feels extra good to have held on to it for a year. What else could I have done after graduating, you wonder! Well.. PhD was an option, while away another 5 years in school and then become a Prof, not that that was not working, anyways or may be do what every 3rd Tam girl seems to do, lets not even get me started on that. So, I made my choices and here I'm one year later, happy that I did what I did.

I still remember the first day of work when I was supposed to make it in by 8.45 and I had the option of taking the connection to here at 8.40 or 7.50. I choose 7.50, given the 15min ride and ended up reaching the station by 7.10! I could have been early by an hour and a half. That is what I am I guess. Get apprehensive, obsess over trivial issues, over-analyze, freak out, bug everyone else, anger, finally go wth and yet end up giving it 3 different excessive buffers.(Ok, not as bad as that sounds, but I'm a little too cautious yes)

Anyways, I made it to work well and good on the first day and its been great since then. A nurturing environment, a very intelligent - hard working team, awesome neighbors, young and fun colleagues, stimulating discussions, exciting work, some not-so-exciting stuff, a few 16hr days, a few 7hr ones, work-from-home, 3hr lunches, lunches at 4, meetings at 6am, meetings at 9pm, Christmas and Halloween parties, summer carnivals, re-orgs, roadshows, recruiting, some bad days, some great days, a lot of peaceful ones.. One amazing year and hopefully a precursor to many more.

Tuesday blues and grad schools

Tuesdays! Yes, I've those in addition to the all too well known Monday blues and Sunday evenings. It all started about 3 months back. As always, to go on with the prologue.. you know what is a bummer when you live in the Western hemisphere, you get to start your days much later than your counterparts. If your counterparts live not only in Europe but also in Australia, you start everything after they have put it to rest for the day. And, when anyone decides they need to talk something out with you, everyone is all too happy to pull you out of bed at an ungodly hour! Yes, you end up having meetings at 7am. Not only do you have to attend a 7am they decide to have you put something together for the meeting and also have a 8am, that you loose the option of dialing in from home unless you want to be the last person getting in to work. Put it all together and you get me waking up at 4, every Tuesday. Yes, every Tuesday. No matter how much I try, I just can never get into the routine. Now, that justifies having blues right.

Today was one of those Tuesdays. Add to it the Monday that was yesterday when I could get off only after 8pm, I should be seeing all colors today. Given you are reading this, you sure are swearing at me for making such a huge issue about working till 8. I totally get it. When I talk to some of my friends and classmates back home, I hear all sorts of stories when people had to work odd hours. You have 16 hr work days, 18 hr days, you leave work at 4am and start again at 8, your routine schedule is 3pm to 12am, you have to accommodate calls at 3 in the night, you have gone without weekends for 3 weeks at a stretch, you have crashed at office, I've heard it all. But, I don't work is such environments. I work in this country and I'm not an I-banker or 4-days-in-flight consultant. I work at a nice, awesome, sane, peaceful place. So, no it is not normal for me to have 14hr workdays and start again at 4am. I totally have to mention this here. When I first started doing this schedule, my VP made it a point to call and let me know that it is totally fine if I feel I can't make it to meeting some day and even if I did make it I should not extend my day too long into the evening. So, you get the kind of place I work at right. Okay, now I have digressed too much that I've totally lost track.

Yep, got it. So, it was one of those Tuesdays and at 3 in the afternoon I was all maxed out when I came across this, from a mention somewhere else. To say I was appalled is an understatement. I kind of agree that no deliveries is overkill but.. do they actually get their rooms cleaned by someone, seriously!!! I just could not believe it. And the students actually protesting, you must be kidding me! Not that I'm against them or anything. I've quite a few friends there, extremely smart people and doing great in life. But this did seem ridiculous. I know for a fact about all the stuff they do. I still remember my CAT prep days when one of the mentors who is an alumnus, told us that his best takeaway was learning to work under pressure and manage time effectively. Yes, they have to study loads and loads, cases, assignments, exams, clubs, events. I get it. I also know that there are freshers parties, club parties, section parties, after event parties and more. Yes, they do have time to do it. Oops, thats networking!! But the supposedly créme de la créme of our country can't even clean their own messy rooms.

What totally threw me off and forced me to write about it was the few reader comments that followed the article. I probably read like 10-15 of them. I just could not go further. I have no idea why the comments went wayward, but people had to bring in grad students here, compare both and pass judgments. How can I stay put now! If you choose to compare the "best" b school, lets go to some place really good if not the best. Actually, I personally had friends who took in a workload of 20 credits a semester(the normal being 12 max), worked 15 hours a week, prepared for other certifications, searched for a job during a recessionary period(Yes, here you "search" for jobs), lived off campus, cooked their own food, did groceries, cleaned their rooms and still managed to get great cgpa and land awesome jobs. How do people even come up with such comparisons!! Anyways..

Reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my friends (who is a part of the best, in their sense of the term) which ended with me going all "My school gave me the attitude that I can do anything, if I want" and him with "And mine that I deserve everything".

Home away from home..

Saturday evening 7.30.. and here I'm, sitting at home with blogger open and some Tam song in the background. Blame it all on the Friday night I had. Not that I was up all night pub hopping. (Yes, my vocabulary now contains words like pub hop, crawl, high, Vegas, sloshed,beer pong, karaoke and more) No, I don't do that, not even remotely close. In that sense, its the same old me. Yesterday night, I was just out for dinner, with lot of chatting and bit of shopping(No, I am not the 'shopping' kind yet either, but my company was and also, I needed a pair of sneakers, which I have n't bought yet anyway). So, I was out eating, walking and talking, right from early evening and if you know New England at all, you will realize it is that time of the year and that time of the day loaded with pollen. Add to it my Starbucks run this morning, you get the cold ridden-sneezing every 20sec-red,watery eyed me. I had no option but to be medicated and sedated. I slept through the whole afternoon and since then been just lazing around. Not that I need a reason for it but that its a Saturday afternoon yet I might have been at the least out eating good food if not for this.

Coming back to my passing mention of the Tam song in the background. Its the opening song from the movie Shivaji. If you are this Tam,Tam-lyrics-understanding(Yes, it is a subset) person you would have already guessed why I'm here. Yes, that song is so full of nostalgia and wanna-be-in-India that I could not have done anything but be here. Things that I might have passed off without a second look, or second 'hear' rather, seems to haunt me. So, if you do not know what this song is about, here I go. It is all about this guy coming back to India from the US with a cause and listing out all the things he missed (and so you ought to) by being away from home. I should say it is a job very well done. Starting with national geographic, food network and going to entertainment and people weekly, it chokes with memories. Now, I am all I-need-to-list-something-out. To be fair..

I had to start out with why it is great being here. Any time I think of it, the first thing that comes to mind is people. I always say, if not for the people my undergrad college(Yes, you caught me, I did say school and changed to college when I re-read the whole thing and added this note too, the influences huh!!) would not be what it is and it is even more true here. My life is full of the most awesome people you could meet. Where else could I have been friends with Princeton Math majors, Harvard Econ majors, MIT MechEs, CMU CS undergrads, Ga Tech IEs, Cal Tech Physicists, Ecole toppers, Tshinghua Engineers, Harvard and Wharton and MIT and Booth MBAs (Man!! I'm so star-struck!) and much more, not to mention the Cornell OR grads :) :). This without even talking about the families and backgrounds. It is sheer awesome-ness. Where else could I have had lunch conversations on Robotics, video game programming, Korean politics, economic depression, Presidential election, independent films, Chinese population explosion, Egyptian history,Black-Scholes model, Indian and Ecole systems, XKCD comics, zip lining, corruption, digital printing, market psychology, FB grids and what not. There is never a dearth for sensible conversations. I would never otherwise have learnt to give so much importance to being polite, friendly, pleasant, amiable. Starting with use of pleases and thank yous to writing emails to CEOs, you get to learn it all. The professional life here, as I hear comparisons, is amazing. You get the freedom, independence and respect very early and you are always challenged. And to think of all the varied multi-faceted opportunities you get, not in another 100 years can it be matched. This supportive, nurturing, learning, challenging environment is unparalleled. Talking of freedom, it is evident in every walk of your life. You can do anything you want(within legal bounds of course but there it ends), any way you want with no repercussions and obligations. I can go on and on about all that I learnt and love about this place and I still would not be doing enough justice. So, you get the idea right..

Now, I did say all that, but there is something missing still. It is not on the life changing front, but.. It still is not home and all that it comes with, dad, mom, family, friends, food. There are all these small things that you miss. I still remember my Kenna intern days, when we head out from work on a Saturday afternoon, watch an Indian movie, roam around the malls, have some non-Indian cuisine dinner and (here comes the best part) someone drops you home because its late in the night. No, you just can't get it here. There is something about going to Odyssey that Barnes and Noble, fine Amazon, can not give you. There is the taste of the supposedly Mexican and Chinese(even the McDs and KFCs) which the authenticity can not offer. There sure is something great about dosa for breakfast, which of course the cold cereal and pancakes can not match. There is something about the Hindu and its additions, that is somehow missing in WSJ and NYTimes. The mirth that comes about switching on the car radio to a Tam song is so totally lost on country rock. The pleasures of morning-traffic people-watching can never be realized with IPod listeners and Kindle readers. There will always be a difference between po-da and man-you-suck. There is something about the tea and Parley-g breaks that chocolate frosted donuts and caramel lattes don't parallel. The grilled chicken sandwiches and default risk discussions don't even come close to the rice-rotis and scandals and scams. The what-plans-for the-weekends can never replace the exhausted TGIF. There is the laughter and joy of switching on the tv and watching re-runs of Friends in Star World which the ABCs and NBCs don't provide. There is something about sending sms that texting can never suit. Driving a scooty in dust and traffic is any day distant from the snow protected air conditioned Mercs. There is something about dropping by a friend's house unannounced and being invited in for dinner that 2 emails, phone confirmation and apologies for any disturbance never will do. The Skype conversations and hangouts can never replicate the comfort of being sprawled on the floor talking to the person in the couch. There will always be something indescribably great about being home that no country ever can come anywhere remotely near..

P.S. I did say so much and more, but seriously considering.. the cost-benefit so absolutely pathetically fails.. So here I am and will be, for the foreseeable future..

Two years is not too long..

or so I want to think. I started with the title with the numerals in there, as that seemed more informal and blog-gy(???), but then is n't that too ironic. Anyways, yes, its been a little more than 2 years now since I was in this space last. I was wondering if I should talk about why I was not here so long or why I am here now, out of the blue and finally decided to do both. After all, it is my blog.. just for me right..

The last time I was here I was just about to go to grad school. Now, I'm done. I've a Master's!! Its a huge deal right, what with all the cribbing and crying I did before that. Honestly it turned to to be one of the awesome-est (Ahh language.. I sure need more degrees of freedom!) experiences ever. I'm glad I did it and not settle for something else. That was one year of my life, almost, and of course I could not have been blogging then. Well.. I could not have even been eating or sleeping then (Did you not notice, nah.. I'm not explaining what you did not notice) . So, that accounts for half my absence. And after that.. I started working. Yeah, not only did I finish my Master's, I started working too (Its alright, even I am all exclamations) Work sure did not engulf all my time but then I had been out of here for so long that I thought I had lost it. And so it went on.. till now..

Now to the why now part.. in short, I needed a vent out. Given that, I live in this foreign country, in a foreign city(what else would you call the city where you moved to, with all you friends from school moving to a different, and mostly same city), have many (not really) do s and don't s, with all my best friends going back to school - b-school rather(yeah, I have to have the "b") or busy with work in a country with extremely opposite time zones, and above all life changing so fast and me having all these thoughts, I had to have a way out. A place that was not very personal (would n't that make me feel no one is listening) or too public(come on.. of course not FB updates). So here I am!

Actually, that is not all and that definitely is not it. THE reason that drove me here, today, right now is.. I miss being home, not like house-home home but more like the motherland home. Now.. now.. I sure do sense all the question marks and sighs and exclamations and rolling of eyes. Yes, its the very same me and yes I miss being in India. So, I really had to talk about it. (Yeah, here! as, when I talk about it most other places, all I seem to get is cold stares which says why would you want that when I wish to switch places with you) Also, I have been reading all these blogs by Indians (Is that not what you do when you are "reporting" for a week or so and have half of it left to go before you can move on to something else) which makes me go all what-if and how-nice and more. To add to it all, I read this article yesterday, a very long one at that, on India Today about all these entrepreneurs coming back home with the hopes of creating a change and succeeding at that too. No, I'm not this social-responsibility-personified kind (Ok, don't rule that option out yet. If I'm this right now, in so short a time, I may be that in the long run) but I do think it might be better to be home, now (don't you get it? I add this "now" and that essentially adds a disclaimer that I'm allowed to contradict it anytime I want and add yet another now there :P ). Now, that explains it right!

Here.. guess I've said it all. That was long enough for the first time after two years. I've have mused enough though not so erratic enough. Anyways, here is to more of musing, rambling, pondering, brooding, ruminating and what not..

F09

F09!!! Thats what we are called.. Its more than a month away and God knows how bad this is going to get in the mean time. I am so damn scared, very very apprehensive and too worried about how this is going to work out. I don't know if I can cope with all the new subjects, the pressure, the new place and what not!! I don't know what is expected of me. I don't know how I'm going to manage it all. And.. So many times it makes me wonder if I fit in at all. The awesome university and a great field at that, the kind of people who get in.. All that leaves me wondering.. Why am I even there. But somewhere down I realize, or atleast I'm told to realize, that I won't be where I am going to be if I was not really worth it. I must be. There must be something that does make me a part of the league. But what is it.. I'm yet to find.

So many times, getting to think about it, I feel.. may be, it would have been better to have taken up the job. Almost always when I get to discuss jobs with friends, it always leave me feeling bad. It still hurts. When everyone is working, here I am.. going to Grad School.. It does not make it any better saying it out. Well.. It is bad to be thinking about it too. The kind of life people have, because they are earning, leaves you feeling low beyond limits. Not having got to study like crazy everyday, no worrying about tests, assignments and gpa. It is so good. There is this best part, you get to earn!! You can spend it the way you want. Go to a movie, hang out with friends, or atleast get to buy a book for 100 bucks without having to think "OMG 100!!" Even if not that, you don't really have to keep tabs of every penny you spend, you don't have to live on 2 meals a day, you don't have to worry if eating one proper meal out will leave you out of your cash for cereals that week, you don't plan a month before on living in noodles and bread, you don't have to cut down on your travel expenses so that it might help you with a laptop, you don't have to plan on buying laptops which might cost a 50 bucks less, you don't have to worry for 6 months if your house and utilities would cost 20 bucks more than you thought it would, you don't have to worry if talking over the phone to your parents will get you broke.. Oh my God.. I really don't want to do this. For any one who earns, everything seems so trivial. But here I am, yet to point out trivial stuff that might bother me. If you just can't remotely imagine what the trivial stuff might be, then I'm sure you must be having a job.Damn!! Makes me regret why I dint take up the job. Damn!! I should have. I must have been crazy!! Really Really Crazy!!!!

Hmmm.. Well.. Hope I survive!!!!

What keeps me ticking..

Hols again!! And.. I don't know what to do at home. Its been quite sometime since I was at home and that too this jobless. Even last hols was better as I had a lot of apping work to do. But now.. Okay.. Not that I don't have anything to do. Those of you who managed to decipher my last post completely will know that I have opted for some university and more appropriately some field that is not what me as a prodie might have obviously pursued. But as it stands, I have decided to go for it and all that that comes with it. The very different course work, work schedules, slogging and the whole lot of risk involved. Not to mention is the fact is that I would be out of home. Fine.. I am not cribbing again. Getting back to it.. I have decided to do this and I really need to work on it. Actually I have to work loads and loads and loads and some more.

Being the nice girl that I am, I even bothered to get some books to study from. Well.. That was a long time ago. Its been a good 20 days since I got off with my project final review and since then I should have studied. I should have. But somehow it so happens that I don't even know the names of the books that I got, leave alone whats inside them. Not that I never made the effort to. Okay fine.. I can see you smiling.. You!! Actually, I did think so many times that I need to study. I even got one book out. To actually know how it goes like.. This evening I was so hell bent on studying. I was all this " its been so long and I have not studied at all. Today is the 1st of the month, I am starting today!!" So I did take my book out. It was sometime around 5:30, but my granny had other plans. She wanted me do some errands and when I got off with it, it was 6. "Okay, 6.. nice time to start, I am going to study till 8!!" I started. Time went by.. Not so fast anyway. 6:23.. I know it was 6.23.. I saw my mobile. I just could not concentrate, thought would check if my results are out. It would after all be some 5min job. So switched on the comp and when I got off it was 7:30!!! So.. I again started "I should study.. I should concentrate.. I need to." I thought I would.. after talking to my best friend. So.. there went the next 10min. Then I did study. Atleast I thought so.. Till my grand mother woke me up at 8:02 to ask me if I would like to have dinner and then sleep!!! Damn!!!! So.. here I am.. online.. blogging.. No.. actually.. I am trying to get myself awake so that I can study.. :)

Getting to think about it.. I realize having too much of time in hand and not much of work to do, gets me to a really lazy and horrible state. To be more honest, I really need a lot of deadlines. I still remember one of my friends saying he does not want his life to be full of deadlines, which would ruin his peace of mind. But I now realize, I need my life to be the exact opposite. If not for that, I am sure I just can't take life. I still remember the time around last hols when I was so very occupied. When I had 10 things to do and time for just 5. But.. believe me.. I did all the 10 and successfully at that. I can keep working all day long and more, but give me a whole day and just little work that too to be completed a month later, I am sure to flunk. Very hectic days, with work keeping one hooked up atleast 27 hours a day, with no time to get off, squeezing in every possible minute to something or the other, with deadlines to be long gone the next day, and me trying to do everything the best. Thats exactly what I want and that keeps me ticking..

Apping.. and all that..

Now that we are done with GRE and TOEFL, here comes this long process of apping. What exactly did I do after TOEFL.. Hmmm.. For one, I started preparing for CAT. Thanks to my best friend, I was forced to do it. But, believe me, its one of the best things that you could be doing. Being in 7th semester, with those tests done and moreover given the fact that when you app you do with your 6 semester grades you are just bound to give up absolutely but CAT keeps you going. If not anything else, it helps you spend your time without getting bored to death. So, I took it up and trust me its so much fun.

Okay, getting back to apping.. This is going be this phase where you are always running around the campus if not cities depending on your recos. I was a bit too lazy. When I started thinking about my sop, almost everyone in my class had applied for a minimum of 2 universities not to mention one who was done with 11!!!!!!! I really had to rush through them for my initial universities. What with apping deadlines, CAT and sem exams happening at almost the same time and me not ready with my sop even. But I did do a lot of editing after my exams for the rest of my universities. So, yeah.. your sop and recos go almost at the same time.

So.. its sop. Quite contrary to everyone else around me, I believe sop is some place where you are honest with what you want and actually tell them that. It was told to my best friend that sop is heights of hypocrisy. You write what you think the university wants to hear from you. You are absolutely interested in research. What research you have done in IIT and IISc has changed your life forever and you believe you can not live without it and unanimously everyone wants to be a professor, scientist and what not!! You go on and on and on about research that you did, that you are doing, that you want to do and some more. They say its a sure way to admits. I don't want to comment on that. But let me tell you what I did. I just wrote exactly what I desire. As you might know or have read in the previous post, I have had only one research project in IIT M and that's in a field so unrelated to what I am going to app for. CFD and Industrial Engineering. So, I can very well say my research expertise in the field in next to naught. Oops! I forgot. I was going to do my final year project in a related field. Well, that was to start in 8th semester and I was done with apping even before college reopened. Okay, so what did I do with my sop. I just wrote what I have done which is not anyway great according to so many.. no .. according to everyone else. But that's what I had done. So, I can not do anything to change it now. Believe me, nowhere did I mention I am interested in research and nothing related to being a Prof. After all, that's not what I wanted. I still remember one of my friends saying this after reading my sop, " If you want me to be honest, I have read quite a few sop so far and I am sorry to tell you that yours is below average. You have given history people don't want to hear. You should have projected your IIT M project to be the best thing that happened in your life. Where is anything about research??!!!!! ". That was not an isolated incident. There were many who said, if this was my sop I sure am not going to make even to a university on the higher side of top 20. Well.. Here again, thanks to my best friend, who stood by me. We decided we were going to be absolutely honest with what we want and that if I am going to give the univ what people think univ wants, in the next 2 years my conscience would kill me as I can never be sure if I was picked in because I was actually good. Its better to get rejects than live with that feeling forever. So, with that moral support, I went on. Till the end, my sop only said what I have done and what I want, true to my heart.

Along with the sop, you simultaneously get done with your recos too. At least go and talk to profs and make sure if they are ready to give you recos, to as many universities as you are applying and to the field you are applying. Make sure they have your resume and they know everything else that you think would be relevant. Mine was not a very tough deal. My 3 recos goes as, one from my department, one from my math teacher and the other from my IIT M prof. I know there are cases when you have to write your recos and sometimes as much as all the three and its real difficult to differentiate them when you are going to write all the three. So, make sure you work on it properly. I was so lucky that I never had to do it. Its my staunch belief that your recos matter a lot and some more, belief that formed after I got my admits. I am very grateful to all my recommenders who made it work for me. They not just molded me to be the individual I am but also have helped me scale greater heights. I know if it was not for them I would not have the admits that I do now. So, make sure you have very good recommendations.

You already should have decided on the universities you want to apply to. This necessarily depends on your research interests or otherwise, your cgpa and scores, the profs that you like there and think could work with and the reputation of the university. At least thats what I believe matters when you are apping for masters. PhD I have no clue. I think it would be better, if you can have a word with your prof and also some seniors who had similar profile as yours before finalizing on the universities you want to apply to.

After all these, goes the actual apping. It is not a very difficult thing if you are sure of the above. You just go to the university website, get to application forms, most of them have a very user-friendly system, fill it up. They ask for general details. You personal details,name address etc. Then your profile, your college scores, GRE TOEFL, awards and all that. Being a international student, you might have to answer a few questions on that like your country of citizenship, your sponsors and stuff. I remember one univ asking me for a scanned copy of passport along with my app. I really have to mention this! Two of the univ that I applied to wanted my financial documents right at the time of applying. I have no clue how this affects your chances of admits but as it is mandatory you have to send them. The only difference being, if you get an admit without aid, the univ asks you to send the documents whereas here you send it before. So, the application then would ask you for your sop, which sometimes you upload or otherwise paste it in the box provided. I remember one univ that I applied to which never asked me for a sop. Instead they had some 7 or 8 questions that I had to answer in the box provided and that was more comprehensive than my sop. You will have to pay some application fee which might vary widely depending on the university. Also, make sure your GRE and TOEFL score reaches the university on time. It would be better if you can send the additional score reports as soon as you finalize on the university.

With all this done, you send your packets. I would suggest DHL as it is more reliable and you can track your packets till the end. As far as my memory goes, every packet of yours should have all these. A cover letter, transcript, resume, sop, gre and toefl scores, a printed copy of your application. Some other additions may be your financial documents, passport photostats, pre requisites form. OOPS!! I forgot again. Some universities do have pre requisites, courses that they expect you to have done in your under graduation and some additional knowledge. You have to give descriptions of the course, attach a syllabus copy and mention your grades in the paper. You see, they have your transcripts, so you just can not fool around. If it so happens that you have not done a course which they think is necessary why not be honest with them and tell them you have not done it but you will study before you join the university. Trust me, they wont hold it against you if you are good at other things. I know it for sure, because that is what I did. I told them I do not know certain things yet I got the admit, my best and with fellowship. So, at the end of the day, you have to absolutely honest.

With all this done, you have a really very long wait in store for you. You will have to keep checking the status of your applications and the documents. A lot of times your GRE and TOEFL scores are the issue. Some of my universities never found it. Its good that you have sent a copy of them in your packets. You might very well have to send a scanned copy of it to the admissions coordinator of your department. And, you have to track if your recos reached them too. As it is online almost always, you will have to keep reminding your profs to fill your recos and send them within the stipulated date. Here again, if it does not happen, just mail your coord telling what the prob is, and they are sure to give you an extension. I got, for recos, from 2 of my univs.

So, I think this covers almost all that I went through during my apping. At the end of it, getting admits!! its just great. But more on that later. So, at last to what I wanted to say, from my experience. First and foremost, be absolutely honest about everything all through your apping. This is all that that matters. Honest sop do fetch its own rewards. Have some real good recos. They matter loads and loads. Its really good to have a high cgpa. No matter what people may say contrary to this, a good cgpa sure does takes you places. Have a reasonably good GRE(preferably a 800 in quants) and TOEFL scores. But be assured, GRE scores is not what matters the most, there are a lot of other things. I think that's about it. Happy apping!!!

Of GRE.. and more..

I have been wanting to write on this for quite sometime now. But was pretty hooked up with things that I never could manage it. Long ago when I was free I just felt I was not the right person yet. But now, I think I can really talk of it and express my views if not anything else. So this is going to be absolutely my take on the whole process.

I remember days in my second year of college when all these discussions used to happen during our lab sessions.. masters, MBA and more. I knew I wanted to do it. Apply for masters in US but then I was really very clueless about it compared to my other classmates. But still that's what I was going to do though getting into a b-school in India was relatively less complex in terms of the process involved.

Cutting a long story short, the first time I felt insufficient was during my 4th semester hols when some of my classmates who had masters options were doing research projects and I was going to Tata Motors. That I was told would be a negative. I felt very bad. But anyways, TM was a good option and took it up. I had decided that I was going to get into research the next hols. That, believe me, was not at all easy. It being winter not many openings were there. I really wonder how so many people in my college manage to get research projects all the time. I had to struggle. May be because I was not meant for it. Finally, a Prof. accepted me but the field he was working on was nothing related to mine and was not going to be what I want to pursue my higher studies in. CFD and IE are not really close. But I still took it and worked though I did not do a great job of it.

The next issue was GRE. People were preparing like crazy for it when I had not even bought Barrons. I knew I had to do something about it. Thanks to my senior who kind of pushed me through. I finally booked a date and started preparing. Then came my internship. I really could not let it off for I was sure of getting a PPO. Neither did I want to give up GRE. So, I took the internship and postponed my GRE date. I was to prepare all through my hols which never happened. I leave my place for work at about 6 in the morning and come back by 7 at night all so tired. It was a real bad schedule and I really could not study much even when I tried waking up at 4 and sleeping while I commute. I knew Quants was not going to be bad on me but Verbal was not my cup of tea and what I was doing was just adding to it. I had hardly managed to scrape through Barrons word list once when Prof. called me and said he was expecting that I would come back and work. Man!!! He was some great IIT M Prof. and he wants me to come back and work. I really could not say a no whatever the reason be. So I agreed to come and right on the day my internship got over I went to Chennai. Mind you, this was exactly 16 days before my GRE and I had not even completed Barrons list once. To add to this, I had extremely sincere GRE takers for friends who had completed not just Barrons but big book n stuff too more than once when their GRE date was 3 months away!! I really was going to be God-can-only-decide-what. With all this I met some of my friends after coming to Chennai. Effectively about 10days before the day I started taking the few tests I had and the scores were really erratic. With all this, my placement season in college was about to start and I had to register for it. Two days before GRE I was travelling down to register and do the process and get back to Chennai the day before GRE.

Well.. You can imagine how bad a state I was in. I was damn scared and GRE promised me nothing less. I got screwed like I-don't-really-know-to-define-the-extent. I have always been good with Quants and so GRE stuff was no deal. But Verbal was worse than I expected. I knew I was doing the first 5 or 6 questions well when I was baffled by this I-just-can-not-manage 140lines reading comprehension. There I knew I had lost. I somehow managed to push past that but I knew I had messed up. So I was trying really hard to work on the other sessions when I realized I was running out of time. I just started rushing past the questions and had just managed to mark almost every answer when time ended. The questions were so very easy near the end and I knew it was all gone. Still I waited for some miracle without concentrating on the analytical writing that I was doing. Finally at the end of it I click for my scores, only to see a worst nightmare unfolding right there. 800 in Quants yes. But Verbal... I was just doomed.. 510!!!!

There ensued the worst days of my life. What with my parents really wild, everyone around me saying that was the worst score possible and I just can never manage any university anything remotely near top 20. Thanks to my best friend, my only ray of hope. The only person who felt I still would get a good university. After all I had everything else which would work to my advantage. The highest GRE Verbal cut-off, as I remember, to any university that I applied to was 450 and sometimes with a caution that the average of the class is 500. But I had just managed to clear the bare minimum necessity. So, I just went through it. TOEFL was not bad neither was it great. But I did try to do some 2 or 3 listening exercises for I dint want to make a mess again. The only problem in this is the very long duration of the test. Otherwise its very much more easier and comfortable compared to GRE. Though not great I had very much a better score when I think of my GRE. 110 was decent enough for any university. So, that was on the positive side.

So, after the tests start the whole long process of apping to universities. I intend to continue this later. Hmmm.. One last word.. My whole idea of describing in such great details about what happened with my GRE and how I made a mess of it, is just to lay the ground for me to tell at some later point that a bad GRE score does not mean the end of your apping and never to your dreams. So.. Here I stop to continue this later.......

Way to go Bro!!

Times are changing.. for the better or worse.. hard to say.. but things are really changing. I have been feeling very sad lately. Mushy to be more precise. I really wish I could get off it. But somehow seems like its not possible. What with my college ending in another fortnight, me going far far away from home in about 3 months, mom and bro moving away to a new city and my best friend thinking its not best anymore. I don't really know how to go about it. I feel stranded alone in that island that is thousands of miles away from any inhabited place.

My bro is a teen now. We have been this proper sis-bro who keep fighting all the time. But now.. I don't really know if he has grown up or its just my going away thats making me feel so sentimental. There is less than a week to go and he is moving out of this place. Agreed its all for his education but somehow it feels really bad. Probably I should have had sweeter times with him than I have actually did. Getting to think of it now makes me feel more sad. After all he is a small boy (Damn!! Why dint I feel all this for so long!!)

Mom has started packing the stuff. You should really look at all that my bro is doing. I have been down sick since yesterday and that really leaves only him out to help mom. May be thats making him do it all or may be its just that he is too bored with his holidays. But the fact remains that he is helping mom. No, actually he is doing a lot of work. Yesterday he was washing the car. He brought all groceries for mom in the morning.He went to take some photocopies which took nearly an hour of his. He was cleaning one of the shelves, packing the books in boxes and throwing away the old ones for the whole afternoon today. He even got me a drink for I was very ill and mom said a drink would do me good. I really don't know whats come over him but he is just awesome. Way to go bro!!!!!!!!! Love you loads.

P.S. I really wish I have more time with him and also everything else would be back to normal as I hear it being said a lot of times now. :(

Interview.. for MBA!!??

I had the first of my 2 interviews for a B-School yesterday. Now the exclamation and question marks in the title are to express my own state of mind. Almost everyone I know thinks I am just beyond them. Why am I still taking these interviews even after admits!! Well.. I have my own reasons. Moreover, after a lot of contemplation I realized what I wanted to do for life, well almost. I know I would be happy if I do it. It satisfies everything that I consider a necessity for a blissful life. But how easy it is to do that is beyond my comprehension. But I sure want to give it my best shot. Be it masters or MBA to me it is all the means to achieve the same end. The end that which I sure what to reach. If, for some incomprehensible reason,it does not happen, again neither of it would be a bad option. So here I went, for S P Jain's interview...

Before I straight go into it, I have to confess I dint go through any of the preparations that I should have. I am really sorry that I could not take a mock interview with my teacher, one of the best I have met so far. I know I should have taken one and I am sure he would have had a lot of useful points to make which might have made my interview way better than what it was. But, as always, I am very much more comfortable being honest and I really can not stick to the norms of how I should answer questions. This happened with my sop too, a different story altogether which I believe I would post sometime. So I went for this interview with just about zilch preparation.

The interview happened in IIM B. The first time I ever went to the place. My friend tells I still should not be saying that for I went hardly half a km into the campus to where the interviews were held and that's about it. The journey to Bangalore was one of the most tiring journeys I have ever had. Anyways, getting back to the interview. I reached the place almost on time and we were asked to wait till our names were called. As usual, I had a novel with me that I started reading. Getting to think about it, may be its my way to keep me from getting badly tensed. Not that I am absolutely cool even that way but it is loads better than just waiting for my turn. So my name is called and I had to submit some forms and finally we were escorted to the panel. If you dint know, S P Jain has this concept of group interview where a whole lot of people are questioned together. My group had 7 people, 4 guys and 3 girls(With all the 3 of us opting for finance. That's amazing right!!) So there we went. We had 2 professors ready for us.

One of the professors asked us to introduce ourselves in 2min each. So people started rattling off with their absolutely well rehearsed answers. I was the 6th person in the group and about 3 people before me got a "very good" for their introductions. Not to forget is the fact that everyone in my group, except me that is, had work experience, which I felt was a distinct disadvantage to me, more so after the interview got over. So finally I get the turn to talk about me.

Me: I am so-so doing such-such things, my father is this, I want to...
Prof: (I am cut off here) lets get to it later.
Me:(I continue with other things) I like this and being a prodie this matched...
Prof:we will get to it later(Oops!! I am cut again)
Me:(Damn!! Am I conveying anything at all) I did these things in so many years and I like to do this.
So finally I introduced myself but... okay.. you know how it went..
Then the questioning started at a personal level. Starting with their work ex mostly. Discussing about Satyam, global meltdown, Lehman Brothers and all that.
Prof:(to someone before me) Why do you think this company transferred from ICICI to SBI??
He starts pointing out to people to get their views and I was skipped when the 7th guy was asked his view. Damn!! Things are just not going my way.
The fourth guy is being questioned. One of those S P Jain students who was there to help with the process comes into our room and points to his watch and goes off. Time is up!! And only the fourth guy is on. So finally he is done and then the 5th person, a gal. She is being questioned. Another S P Jain student walks in and tells the profs straight. Its getting late. Damn damn damn!! After this came my turn to be questioned. Prof calls out my name.

Me: yes sir
Prof: ..................... (yeah he says nothing)
Me: Sir...
Prof: 5 were questioned before you. You know what we are asking. So go on
Me:(What the hell!! Why does it happen to me all the time!! Well.. I have to talk anyway.) I have opted for finance because I want this, so I need this and this has to be done and this is necessary so I need to do finance
Prof2: Justify your choice of production engineering
Me: I had these options, my background was this, so this seemed an obvious choice
Prof2: But this does not really need finance..
Me: No sir, this is the way to go about things and this-this needs finance.
Prof: If this is what you want to do for life why finance?
Me: Sir.. (before I start explaining I am cut off)
Prof: I know why all you guys want an MBA. The posh suits, great cars and blah blah are so very attractive that everyone wants to go for an MBA.
Me: No sir, I want to do this this and so MBA.
Prof: Have you ever heard of TIFR?
Me: Sir... (I hardly started)
Prof: No.. That's Tata Institute of Fundamental Research. Any physicists who works there can do want you aspire to do.
Me: May be they can do this-this part of what I will do, but there r these-these-these for which finance is a necessity and without these-these no matter what I do would not be proper.
Prof: All that you guys are interested in is posh this-that. WHAT!! I am provoking you, say I am wrong if you want!!
Me: Sir..
Prof: Say I am wrong if you want!!
Me: No sir, its not..
Prof: you want to deny what I say. Say I am wrong!!
Me: Sir, you are wrong. Not everyone wants that. There are this-this-this reasons why people like me want to do MBA.
Prof: Okay, So why S P Jain
Me: This is the place..
Prof: No no.. be brief.. why? let everyone answer this question (point to a few people and then my turn)
Me: csr.. docc.. blah blah
Then he moved over to the next guy. And finally..
Prof: That's it. Thank you. No.. wait.. any questions to us??
Girl 1 : (asked something about joining dates)
Me:(Do I ask or no.. NO.. ASK.. NO DON'T) Sir, there is this myth that S P Jain does not prefer freshers...... ( I am yet to finish my question)
Prof: Who said so!! Last year's batch has about 30% freshers and realize!! 30% is a very huge number.
Me: Thank you sir.

That's it. We were done. Only if we qualify this we can go for the second round which is again a group interview to be held on the same day.Our wait for the results started...
My friend tells me the way my interview went and my not being asked a lot of questions and even skipped few is a very bad sign!! :( :( :( God save me..

(Okay.. This post is already too damn long with no essence that might interest many. So.. Let me continue again some other time.......)

Back to School...

High school days!! Guess that was the best part of my life as yet. Everything worked out just fine. Almost always happy and smiling. Had some weird gang of friends around who made life so much fun. Yesterday I was going through my high school community in Orkut when I came across few profiles that appeared vaguely familiar. Quite a few of them who are already in my list of friends. Quite a few more whom I could not place yet and hope to in the near future. And some whom I could recollect, two to be precise, one with a lot of thinking though. Well.. It would be good to add them and say a hello once in a while. One of them have already approved,the difficult one that is :)

So, thinking of high school days,actually those memories that were brought back when I was trying to think of these guys. One was a family friend. A very nice guy. Calm and kept to himself a lot. The first thing that I remembered was his father giving me a copy of the movie "5 Star" that was on when I was in class 10. Seems pretty silly, but thats what I got reminded of. The movie was pretty much in hype those times. One reason being that was considered some sort of a colorful movie, in the sense, it revolved around 5 friends who study in the same college and manage the impossible of getting placed in the same company and end up living in the same house even after their weddings. Well.. Did I mention that it was 3 guys and 2 gals. Another reason for the hype being a guy of my school, 4 years my senior, who ruined his education and went over to act in the movie. Opinions do differ and a lot at it. To me it was one of those very detestable things to have done. God knows what he is doing right now!! But all the same the movie was very popular for most of us had known him personally.

Digressed a bit too much from what I really wanted to say I guess. So, now going on to what came to my mind when I realized who the second guy was. If I remember right, this guy joined my school when we were in class 8. Quite the opposite of the first one. Very outgoing. Talked to almost everyone possible. But as it stands.. then, now and always, I believe people are to you what you are to them. Though may of my classmates and friends had a lot of problems with his attitude, I never seemed to. He was good to me and I was good to him. That was the end of it. Now, back to what I got reminded of. Treasure Hunt!! To more on it.. School Sports Days are some real big events with not just sports but a lot of other I-am-yet-to-decipher-why-they-do-it sort of stuff happening on the day. The worst of it being some sort of mass exercise program where almost everyone from class 6 to 8 is pulled it. It is always a huge competition and a matter of honor to those who are able to walk out of it, by hook or crook. Luckily that year I was one of those who had the pride of being out of it because of some other commitment that I had on the eve of sports day. So when almost the whole of the school was in the grounds trying to practice it out we guys enjoyed in class. After all it was a very small number of people and never needed looking after. This guy, amongst few others,happened to be one of them. After some boring chaat sessions and stupid games this guy came up with the bright spark. Why not treasure hunt?? After all we had almost the whole high school to ourselves. As long as we did not scream and squeal it was going to be a perfect way to while away the time. And there it started.. Every day we played, for almost two weeks till the end of sports day. What started with just about 10 of my classmates and neighbours gained a lot of momentum till almost about every other student who was around was playing it. We sure missed all the fun after regular classes started.

Small, stupid incidents though they are, brought back a lot of sweet thoughts. I don't really know if I would treasure any other part of life so far as much as my high school days. I am sure there are a lot of my another friends who feel the same. I don't really know, if these two guys happen to read this, if they will remember the same things that I do or not. But I am sure they will remember something which is bound to leave the smiling. And that happiness has a long way to go.

Happiness?? What is that!!

I have been wanting to post something for quite a while now. But somehow anytime I know what I want to write about I am too lazy to make it to the comp and otherwise.. you know.. I am too confused about what to write. Even now, I have thought of some 23 things so far and nothing seems to fit in. So, again to one of my erratic musings....

Times change. I remember being at my lowest not too long ago. Not that I am high now but got to accept things have changed and not all that much for the worse. But something that I don't understand all through this is the reason as to why I don't feel good about anything these days. I do cry sometimes. Well.. a lot of times in the past few months but now that the scenario is loads better why am I not happy!!! Even this morning, when I got.. I will tell you later what I got but that was something that I have always wanted.. I was not jumping about. I was not doing crazy things. I was not calling away people letting them know of it. Just for the records, I called only my parents,my best friend and no one else. Damn it!! I just smiled and nothing more. What is happening to me is something that I really don't understand. I keep wondering why I am not as happy but no matter how much I think I just don't seem to be getting it. I don't know if it is because its takes a lot of other better things to make me happy or is it that I am just becoming so immune to all these. But as things stand now, I am not feeling great about anything.

Well.. not really. I do remember some instance when I was happy, all smiles and bubbling. It might sound too silly and stupid to a lot of people and I am sure the rest of you would think I am weird. But to let you know of what happened yesterday, I had the last paper of my first cycle test and was damn hungry when it got over. As soon as I got home I started eating. When I went to my room again I saw I had a missed call from my best friend. I knew it was to check on how I had done my exams. I called back. It was sometime like 1.50 when the missed call was at 1.20. The call started with how my exams were and then I was let known that there was a call my friend had to take at 2.00 and another one at 2.30 and would not be free for the next hour. I was pretty okay with it and like the nice sweet girl that I am, ended the call at about 1.59. I was trying to do other stuff like.. like.. hmmm.. nothing, when I got a call again from the number that I knew was my friend's in just 5min. I knew the call must have got canceled and yeah my friend said it was so. Man!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was I happy!!!!! I was literally jumping!! There was nothing much to talk of. I was just crapping about the exams, questions, my answers,my neighbors, what I wrote, what I could have written, why I did not write something and whole lot of arbit bullshit about the exam. But then, I was jumping with joy. I was happily laughing away, smiling the whole of 20min vibrant with enthusiasm. Now what to call this, I don't really know. What I sure do know is, I am changing... for the good or bad................